I Once Was Lost
by Ms. Grim
Summary: CHAPTER SEVEN IS UP! Spike finally makes his choice. And it is a conscious choice...
1. Discovery: Our Lady of Sorrows

NB: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or anything else of worth.   
  
  
This is my attempt at a Spike x Faye story, taking place, of course, after ep. 26.  
  
I've had this for a while, but haven't had the courage to put it up. Some of the Spike x Faye stuff already up is just too good.   
  
Please be kind enough to review. Good, bad, or ugly reviews...don't care. Let me know if you want me to continue onto better Spike and Faye moments.   
**  
  
Discovery: Our Lady of Sorrows.  
  
**  
  
The dream was the same every time. She would watch him leave, unable to shout after him anymore. He just wouldn't listen. She could feel the gun in her hand. Cold, solid. She would raise it, level it, and pull the trigger. But the gun would never go off. It would click uselessly, and then fall from her hand.   
  
It was Spike that held the loaded gun.   
  
He would turn, smile sadly and raise a hand in a half-hearted wave. The other hand leveled the gun at her.   
  
He pulled the trigger.  
  
**  
  
It had been so long since Faye had received a call. She would not even have bothered to answer it if Jet had not been out.   
  
It startled her, she admitted. Jarred her out of her lazy stupor. She had fallen asleep while considering painting her nails, changing her clothes, slitting her wrists...anything.   
  
Faye let the phone ring five times before she finally lifted herself off the yellow couch. She reached for a cigarette, lit it, puffed, and then answered the call.   
  
"What?" She did not have to try very hard to keep her voice low, detached, uninterested.   
  
"Faye-Faye!"  
  
The sound of Ed's voice caused Faye's eyes to widen, and she felt them sting. Her cigarette fell from her lips, hitting the floor. Faye had enough sense to step on it.   
  
"Faye-Faye! Ed needs you to pick her up!" Ed looked at Faye, an enormous grin on her face.   
  
Faye could not speak for a few moments. A million questions coursed through her mind. Where have you been? Are you all right? Is something wrong? Why did you leave-  
  
"Faye?"  
  
The sound of Ed saying her name only once caused Faye's return to attention. She couldn't help but smile, if sadly, at the rosy cheeked, pink haired girl on the small monitor.   
  
"Ed needs you to pick her and Ein up right now, Faye-Faye."  
  
"Why? Where are you?"  
  
Ed laughed gleefully, disappearing from Faye's sight.   
  
"Ed? Ed, God damn it, come back!"   
  
Faye sat staring at the screen for several moments, thinking Ed had really left. But as she leaned forward to end the call, Ed's face popped into view. With a startled cry, Faye fell back onto the couch.   
  
"Damn it, Ed!"  
  
"Ed found him! Spike-Person's alive!"  
  
There was a sudden hitch in Faye's throat and she felt her chest tighten. For moment, she wasn't sure if she could breathe. How long had she been living out everyday just trying to forget him? How long had she been telling herself she wouldn't cry over him, just to fall asleep on a tear soaked pillow? How long had she been restraining herself from jumping into her Red Tail and searching for closure?   
  
"Faye-Faye needs to pick Ed and Ein up so we can get Spike-Person."  
  
Faye buried her face in her hands. //I'm not going to cry. There is no way I'm crying over that asshole. Not anymore\\. She felt hot tears against her fingertips.   
  
"Where is he?"  
  
Ed was silent for a few moments.  
  
"Don't you mean 'Where is Ed?'"  
  
Faye tore a hand away from her face and slammed her fist on the table in front of her.   
  
"Tell me!" Faye shouted, infuriated when the girl smiled back at her.  
  
"Ed is on Earth. Father-Person kept getting lost, and Ed is tired of finding him. So Ed found Spike-Person instead."  
  
"If you don't tell him me where he is right now-  
  
Faye gasped when Ed disappeared from her view again, then scowled, balling her hands into fists. //She's driving me insane. Just come back and tell me where he is!\\  
  
"Come get Ed and Ein, and Ed will show you where Spike-Person is," Ed's voice came distantly. "Oh, Faye-Faye?" Ed's grinning face popped once more into view. "Wear something nice."  
  
Faye was shocked, and just a little confused.   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Faye narrowed her eyes as Ed maniacal wave and cut the connection.   
  
**  
  
"Yeah, she called me too," Jet murmured with little enthusiasm when he returned. Faye had paced in the hanger until he finally arrived, thinking she might go crazy. "Apparently someone anonymously sent out a blood sample to find an identity. It came back positive for Spike, and that's how Ed found him."  
  
"But this is good!" Faye said, following Jet as he moved about the Bebop. "We know where he is. He's alive-  
  
"Not necessarily!" Jet snapped, but didn't turn around to look at Faye. "Ed says the sample was live when it was analyzed, but that was over three months ago. A lot can happen in three months, especially when you're a reckless son-of-a-bitch like that idiot was."  
  
"IS!" Faye insisted, stomping her foot.   
  
"Faye," Jet started, then sighed and shook his head. "You know I want Spike to be alive just as much as you do-  
  
"Not that much. Don't overanalyze." Faye laughed lightly, trying to cover up her previous excitement.   
  
"You know I want Spike to be alive," Jet continued, "but you have to face the facts."  
  
"Such as?" Faye prompted when Jet fell silent, easing himself onto the yellow couch.   
  
"Why a blood sample?"  
  
Faye didn't answer, but she felt she knew where Jet was going. She sat down across from him.   
  
"I mean, it suggests that he was in rough enough shape that he couldn't answer for himself."  
  
"He could have regained consciousness in three months," Faye insisted.   
  
"It also suggests that he was in bad enough shape that he couldn't be recognized. He's not exactly a stranger to that area, Faye."  
  
Again, Faye didn't answer. She bit her lip and fought against the stinging in her eyes. She refused to believe that, if by some miracle, Spike had survived his encounter, that he would just let himself die less than three months later. Ed discovering a live sample of Spike's blood filled her heart with so much joy and hope that she could barely resist the urge to leave immediately and find him.   
  
"I'm going to get Ed," Faye said quietly to her hands, and she heard Jet sigh. "I'm going to get Ed and we're going to find Spike."  
  
"I know. I told Ed we'd pick her up as soon as I got back to the Bebop. But Faye..."  
  
Faye looked up expectantly, and was shocked at the expression on Jet's face. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen anyone look so forlorn. At least, not since she had looked at her reflection in the mirror that morning.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't get your hopes up. Don't make this more painful than it already is."  
  
He got up, leaving Faye staring at her knees, blinking back tears. //How could it possibly get any more painful that this?\\  
  
"Oh, and Faye?"  
  
She wiped her eyes furiously, blushing deeply as Jet turned back towards her, seeing her tears.   
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"When you get there, you might want to wear something different." Jet shrugged, and walked away, Faye staring at his back in annoyance.   
  
"What IS this?"   
  
**  
  
"We're HERE!" Ed shrieked, bouncing towards Faye who sat stiffly on the couch. Having changed into close fitting t-shirt and a pair of jeans three hours earlier, Faye sat fidgeting for the remainder of the trip. At Ed's words, her heart beat wildly and she broke out in a cold sweat. //My God, Spike. Please tell me we've found you.\\  
  
"Come on, Faye-Faye! Time to get Spike-Person!" The wired girl grabbed Faye by the cheeks and tried to yank her from the couch. Faye yelped in angry protest, grabbing Ed's wrists and trying to pull her hands from her face. Ed just held on tighter.   
  
"Stop that, you little freak! It hurts!"  
  
"Little freak! Mountain peak! Spike-Person's a geek!"  
  
Ed let go of Faye and proceeded to dance around the yellow couch. Ein followed her, occasionally barking as Ed narrowly missed stepping on him.   
  
Rubbing her cheeks, Faye walked over to Jet, who stared off in a daze.   
  
"Are you coming?"  
  
He didn't answer for some time, but Faye could tell from his refocused eyes that he was back to reality.   
  
"You go ahead. I've got some stuff to do." He turned away from her, but not before Faye saw the corners of his mouth fall in sadness.   
  
"Are you sure?" She didn't want to push him. She knew perfectly well he was afraid of what lay before them. What they were going to find. She was afraid too. She was terrified. But she had to know. She had to maintain the hope that Spike was still alive.   
  
Jet never answered, but walked out of the room. For a moment, Faye could barely stand the sight of him looking so depressed. Bringing a hand to her mouth, she stifled a sob, and before she could allow another one to escape, she spun around and grabbed Ed.   
  
"Let's go."  
  
She dragged the girl behind her by the scruff of her white tank top, telling Ein to stay behind.   
  
**  
  
Faye suddenly thought she understood why both Ed and Jet had told her to wear something different. Though she had to admit, she didn't expect Ed to have enough sense.  
  
The huge Cathedral loomed before them. Faye couldn't remember ever seeing one after her accident, and the sight of it brought back a sense of nostalgia. She didn't know that people still went to church. Not church's like this, anyway.   
  
"Why would Spike be in a place like this?" Faye asked herself aloud. She watched Ed hop up and swing off of a huge statue of what Faye guessed was the Virgin Mary. It stood before the long flight of steps up to five sets of double doors of the church. Faye imagined that in earlier days, the statue might have been beautiful. But now Mary was missing a portion of her face and both of her hands. It made Faye shiver.  
  
She couldn't help but hold back. She walked around the statue several times, watching Ed swing, climb, and dance across the outstretched arms of the Mary statue.   
  
//Why is this so hard? Why can't I just go in there and demand to know where Spike is?\\  
  
As she paced, Faye rubbed her temples with her fingertips.   
  
"Because," she replied to herself aloud, "You're afraid you're going to walk in there and they're going to tell you he's burnt beyond recognition, that he's maimed, that he can't remember anything, that he's a psycho-homicidal maniac who likes cats, that he'll never wake up.... that he's dead."  
  
Ed picked that moment to launch her self from the statue, intended on using Faye as a cushion. She landed in a startled Faye's arms, sending the woman soaring backwards. They hit the ground hard, Faye's elbow's skidding painfully across the pavement.   
  
Getting over her shock, Faye shoved Ed off, who acted as though she was stunned senseless.   
  
"Damn it, Ed! What the hell is wrong with you?"  
  
She pulled the limp girl to her feet, trying to get her to stand. Ed kept her blank expression and let herself fall against Faye.   
  
"Hey!" Faye shook Ed by the shoulders, but the girl refused to co-operate. "Fine! If you're going to act like this, I'll get Spike by myself!"  
  
She looked around for something she lean Ed against, and seeing the large rectangular sign for the Cathedral, she dragged Ed towards it.   
  
"You can stay here for all I care!" Faye snapped, sitting Ed down and leaning her against the sign. As she rose to walk away, her eye caught something and she stood paralyzed.  
  
"Oh God," she whispered, horror seizing her throat. "Oh God, Ed, what have you done to me?"  
  
Ed snapped back to awareness, wide eyes focusing on Faye.   
  
"Ed didn't think before she jumped, so she used Faye-Faye for a pillow."  
  
"You said he was alive." Her voice was barely above a whisper, but the more she read the sign, the more anger boiled within her, and she turned on Ed, shouting at her.   
  
"You said he was alive!"  
  
Ed stared in fascination as Faye began to cry, first standing still, and then pacing.   
  
"Why wouldn't Spike-Person be alive?"  
  
Faye practically pounced on Ed, putting her in a headlock and cranking her into a position that faced the sign. She jabbed her finger forwards and couldn't control the level of her voice.   
  
"What does that say, Ed?"  
  
Ed didn't answer, but stared at the sign as if it were a foreign object.  
  
"What does it say!?"  
  
"It's a church."  
  
"No!" Faye practically roared. "It says: Our Lady of Sorrows Parish, Religious-  
  
"Services at 8 and 11 o'clock!" Ed chimed in song.  
  
"-Religious..." Faye tried again, but faltered over a sob. "Religious..."  
  
"Faye-Faye?"  
  
"Religious, Morgue and Funeral services," she finished, barely able to hear her own voice.   
  
"Religious!" Ed sang cheerfully. "Spike-Person came to visit Jesus-Person!"  
  
//Oh God...Spike...\\  
  
Both Faye and Ed were startled by the loud clamor from the bell towers above. Their attention moved to the front of the church where a single set of doors opened, people trailing out. Faye held her breath, still clutching Ed in a headlock. She watched every person leaving the church with such intensity that her eyes ached.  
  
When the last person left, she felt her heart sink. None of them was Spike. //Who am I kidding? Jet was right. To hell with my fucking high hopes.\\  
  
And yet...  
  
"Let's go!" Faye nearly snarled, dragging Ed in her headlock towards the church.   
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"To find where they stuck that ass-hole!" Faye replied though clenched teeth. "And then, I'm going to dig him up, resurrect him, and then KILL HIM-"  
  
**  
  
A single door around the side of the church was designated for the morgue and funeral home. Still seething, Faye jammed the buzzer.   
  
"-and then I'm going to resurrect him again, gauge his eyes out, break his legs, and then KILL HIM!"  
  
She jammed the buzzer again, only to be greeted by a cold voice.  
  
"Can I help you?" A man's voice sounded surprisingly clear through the speaker on the door. Both Ed and Faye turned their attention to a swiveling camera in the left corner of the doorframe.   
  
"Can I help you?" the voice came again after several moments of silence. Faye took a deep breath and cleared her throat.   
  
"We're here for Spike Spiegel."  
  
"Sorry lady, you need to give forty-eight hours notice and a signed police check before you pick up a body. Are you giving your notice now?"  
  
Faye closed her eyes, feeling nauseous for a moment. //He's dead. He really is dead.\\  
  
"Are you giving your notice now?"  
  
"Spike-Person's alive!" Ed sang joyfully.   
  
"Shut up, Ed," Faye said, no conviction in her voice. "Yes, I'm here to give my notice," she spoke the camera, a wave of defeat flooding over her and hot tears spilling down her face.   
  
**  
  
Please review. PLEASE! 


	2. Recovery: The Cold Room

NB: Same as before. I don't own Cowboy Bebop or anything else of worth. I used to have a dollar, but I bought a donut.   
  
After some thought, I have come to realize that I don't like Julia. At all. Faye's the best, and I think she and Spike deserve each other. Amen.   
  
Please excuse any errors I missed while editing. I apologize.  
  
**  
Recovery: The Cold Room.  
  
**  
  
"Are you giving your notice now?"  
  
"Spike-Person's alive!" Ed sang joyfully.   
  
"Shut up, Ed," Faye said, no conviction in her voice. "Yes, I'm here to give my notice," she said to the camera, a wave of defeat flooding over her and hot tears spilling down her face.   
  
No reply came from the speaker, and for a moment, Faye thought that something was wrong. She didn't bother to wipe the tears off her cheeks as she stared at the door expectantly.   
  
Both Ed and Faye started when a loud click and grind sounded from behind the door. They jumped back and were greeted with frigid air as the door hissed open revealing a bored looking man with a Roman collar. He regarded Faye's tear stained face and a minute look of compassion crossed his features.   
  
"I'm sorry for your loss."  
  
Faye thought he sounded as though he had said it a million times. She simply nodded, finally wiping her tears with the back of her hand.   
  
"If you would follow me," the priest gestured. "There is a lot of paper work to be filled out."  
  
Grabbing Ed by the scruff of her tank top, Faye dragged her as she followed the priest through the door and down a very narrow set of stairs. //Does this mean he's still in the morgue? They didn't even bury or cremate him?\\ Faye released Ed when she felt the girl grab the back of her shirt. Looking down, Faye saw a look of fascination on Ed's face as the girl looked ahead of her.   
  
They passed through a dimly lit stone corridor and through double swinging doors. Faye was surprised to find herself in a bare reception area, where she saw several priests, men and women alike, going about menial tasks. Some stood behind the reception desk typing or speaking madly at their computers, while some filed papers or rolled chemical laden carts through. Everything was a blinding white or stainless steal, except for the priests themselves, who wore only black. Faye shivered.   
  
Faye and Ed were then led aside into a large office, where the priest told them to sit.  
  
"Someone will be with your shortly," he said, turning to leave and shutting the door behind him.   
  
Faye immediately sank down into one of the chairs, which was thankfully as soft as it looked. Before her was a large mahogany desk, bare of any paper or ornament. On the wall behind it was a single door, a gruesome depiction of the crucified Christ hanging above it.   
  
"Ed doesn't like this place. It's cold."  
  
Faye looked over at Ed, who had claimed the chair next to her, sitting Indian style and rubbing her arms. She looked miserable.   
  
"Let's get Spike-Person and go."  
  
Faye thought she felt a sudden wave of empathy for the girl, and reached over to touch her shoulder sadly.   
  
"Ed-  
  
"Warm," Ed murmured, leaning into Faye's hand. Then, much to Faye's chagrin, Ed leapt from her seat and landed with a thud in Faye's lap. Faye felt like she was holding an ice cube.   
  
"You know, you could at least wear some socks when you go out," Faye hissed, trying to pull Ed's arms from around her neck. She froze when the door behind the desk slid open and a tall figure sauntered through.   
  
"They tell me you're here for a Spike Spiegel." The figure, a woman as tall, if not taller than Spike himself, never looked up from her paper as she addressed Faye. She had a shock of short white hair, and when she finally looked up after seating herself, old wizened eyes stared at Faye. Faye nearly gasped in surprise, for despite the woman's white hair and old eyes, her skin looked as young and smooth as Faye's own, and her figure was lithe and athletic. //A genetically engineered holy woman? Next they'll be telling me Spike is alive.\\ The thought nearly made Faye cry again.  
  
"My name is Krai Dett. I run this Death House for the Catholic and non-Catholic alike. I am also the parish 'pastor', if you will, for Our Lady of Sorrows. Though I admit, the world of Papal dominance died long ago." The woman paused long enough to open her desk, retrieve a pack of cigarettes, and offering one to Faye, she lit one herself. "Are you the wife and child then?"  
  
Faye stiffened at the suggestion. She looked down to see Ed's toothy grin and shoved the girl off her lap angrily.   
  
"I see," Krai said, an amused expression on her face. She tugged at her Roman collar and puffed lightly on her cigarette. "Then what do you want with him?"  
  
"I-I..." Faye stammered, thinking she might crack under the strain of having to say the words. "I came to get his remains." She felt her lip tremble.  
  
"I see," Krai said again. She reached into her desk and pulled out an ashtray. Taking a final drag, she stubbed the cigarette. "That is going to be...difficult."  
  
Faye was confused. She looked over at Ed who had draped herself over the other chair in a dramatic pose. When she turned her attention back to Krai, the woman had propped her sneakered feet up on the desk and had lit another cigarette.  
  
"What do you mean, difficult?" Faye asked. She didn't mind having to do the paper work, and she could get Jet's help with the police check, but what else was there?  
  
"Three things," Krai stated, holding up three fingers. "First," she ticked the first finger, "Paper work. You know that. Second," she ticked the second finger, "Police check, and you know that too. Depending on your background, it could be painless, or it could be impossible. But hey," Krai shrugged, smirking slightly, "I was never one to pass judgment."  
  
"And the third thing?" Faye felt a headache coming on, and she didn't know how much longer she'd be able to hold back her tears.   
  
"Third," Krai continued, ticking off the third finger, "there is the problem of not having any remains belonging to a Spike Spiegel."  
  
"What?" Faye hissed, bolting up, fingernails digging into the arms of the chair. Her head whipped around and she glared bloody murder at Ed.   
  
"Ed TOLD you that Spike-Person is alive," Ed sang, sticking her tongue out.   
  
"You little shit!" Faye shouted, lunging at Ed. "First you tell me he's alive, and I was stupid enough to take you all the way out here just to find out he's dead. And NOW, I find out he's dead somewhere else, and you have the nerve to tell me he's still alive?"  
  
Faye caught a hold of a shrieking Ed, and holding her up by the scruff of her shirt, Faye shook and swore her. But the sound of the holy woman's voice caused both of them to fall silent.  
  
"Oh, he's alive all right."  
  
"What?" Faye breathed, dropping a stunned Ed to the ground. "What did you say?" She suddenly felt light headed and dropped back down into her seat. //My God, Spike...you're alive.\\  
  
"He was comatose until yesterday at noon. I don't know the man's past, or how he ended up like he did, but I didn't think he'd make it. And for some reason, I don't think he would be entirely pleased if I were to incinerate or embalm him now just so that you can have his remains."  
  
Faye didn't know what to say. //He's alive...\\  
  
"So naturally, without your name or the nature of your relationship with this man, there isn't much more I can do for you. It does seem rather strange to me that a man with no identification arrives at my morgue, ALIVE no less, and beat to shit."  
  
Faye's eyes widened momentarily at the holy woman's language. //Are they allowed to swear?\\  
  
" It is stranger that no one comes looking for him for over three months. When someone does show up, it is in the form of two young women with violent tendencies. One who remains nameless, and the other who calls herself..." Krai cocked an eyebrow at Ed. "Ed?"  
  
"Edward Wang Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth," Ed offered in a matter-of-factly manner.   
  
"Indeed," Krai smirked. Her eyes moved back to Faye. "And you?"  
  
"She's Faye-Faye!" Ed shouted gleefully, bounding back into her chair. Using the armrests as support, she stood on her hands.   
  
"My name is Faye Valentine. Ed and I are Spike's crewmates. We-  
  
"Ah!" Krai interrupted, a sparkle in her eye. "Now that changes EVERYTHING!"  
  
At first, Faye thought the holy woman was being sarcastic. But the way she jumped up from her desk and motioned for Ed and Faye to follow her, quickly changed her mind.   
  
"You should have said so earlier."  
  
"I-I don't understand," Faye stammered, getting up out of her seat unsteadily.   
  
"I'll explain on the way," Krai replied, opening the door. "Grab Edward Woo Hep Pepe-le-Piu Whatever and I'll take you to him." She ushered Faye, who was dragging Ed, through the door.   
  
"God knows, I've been hoping for a very long time that you would show up for him."  
  
**  
  
Despite the brisk pace Krai set, the journey through the cold, dark hallways took some time. The holy woman spoke the entire time.   
  
"As I said before, I didn't think he'd make it. I had to extract the bullets that didn't pass clean through. He was also either hit very hard, or he fell on his face. Either way, he had a nasty fracture on his right cheek. It's healed nicely though. Can't even tell. His right forearm was fractured in two places, but that too seems to have healed nicely. Then there is the question of the gash on his abdomen. If anything should have killed him, it was that. That hasn't healed as well as I hoped. I imagine it will cause him pain for some time."  
  
"Are you a doctor?" Faye asked, suddenly wondering how Spike could be treated in a place like this. Would they treat him right alongside the dead? Faye felt sick.  
  
"Doctor-Priest! Munchie Feast! Ed thinks Faye-Faye's a beast!"  
  
"I am, among other things. I supervised his treatment personally. I must say I'm relieved. The man had no will to live. I had to resuscitate him 6 times. If he had gone a seventh, I would have let him go."  
  
Faye was shocked. Spike had no will to live? Sure, he was careless, but Faye never would have imagined him as hating life. But then again, after Julia-  
  
"I was beginning to lose hope again," Krai continued. "I didn't think he would remain unconscious for so long."  
  
"Is he..." Faye started. "Is he-  
  
"Is he sensible?" The holy woman laughed. "He was this morning. Bitching about how he wanted a cigarette."  
  
Faye almost smiled.  
  
"But Doctor Krai-"  
  
"Mother Krai, if you will." She turned to Faye, tugging at her collar again. "Faith before medicine."  
  
The holy woman stopped, and Faye realized that they had reached their destination. Ed, failing to pay attention, walked into Faye.   
  
"Where are we?" Ed asked for both her and Faye.   
  
"When the goings get tough, we use this area as a free clinic. Mr. Spiegel is our first patient in years." She moved to open the door, but Faye stopped her.   
  
"Why did you say that you were hoping I would come?"  
  
Krai smiled slightly at Faye's momentarily pleading eyes. //She tries so hard to mask her feelings. But she's betrayed herself far to many times for me to hold back now.\\  
  
"An unconscious man reveals many things, Ms. Valentine," Krai started, leaning casually against the door. "If in consciousness a man claims to be fearless, in his sleep he will reveal his fears. If he claims to be indifferent, he will reveal his passions. If he claims to be hateful, he will reveal his love."  
  
"Spike-Person will say that he loves Faye-Faye!"  
  
"I don't understand," Faye replied, clamping a hand over Ed's mouth. A growing lump formed in her throat.   
  
"In three and a half months, Mr. Spiegel weaved in and out of comas, but he never truly regained consciousness. We could tell when he came out of a coma because he would be responding to the previously unmedicated pain. During these times he would say a name..."  
  
"My name?" Faye asked, hopeful and horrified at the same time. She immediately cursed herself for sounding so eager.   
  
"No, my dear. I would pray that you never showed up at my door if he had said your name the way he said hers..."  
  
"Julia..." Faye whispered, feeling her heart sink.   
  
"The heartbreaker," Krai agreed, nodding sadly.   
  
"You knew her then?"  
  
"I was director for her funeral. I buried her."  
  
"He loved her," Faye explained sadly. "It makes sense that he would say her name.  
  
"It was full of anguish. Almost painful to hear. As if the very act of saying it caused more pain than his injuries. He may have loved her, but like I said...the unconsciousness of a man reveals things otherwise unknown. I won't pretend to not know what Julia was." Her voice suddenly became bitter. "She was a syndicate bitch, like so many other women I have buried over the years. Hearing Mr. Spiegel say her name made me think that perhaps he's not as innocent as his sleeping face suggests. But if he was involved in such things, it makes no difference now."  
  
Faye wasn't sure she understood, but she also wasn't sure if she wanted to understand.   
  
"But what does this have to do with me?" she asked.   
  
"It has a lot to do with you," Krai replied. "He always spoke Julia's name when he was in pain. Once we drugged him and he began to drift off again, the peacefulness reappeared on his face. This is when he said your name."  
  
At first, Faye was silent. Her heart beat wildly. //He said my name...\\. And yet...  
  
"He said my name while he was high on morphine?" Faye could not hide the bitterness in her voice. "That's really great."   
  
Faye was annoyed at the sound of the holy woman's light laughter.  
  
"Perhaps not, Ms. Valentine. But the way I see it, he was going to a better place. He felt good, and he was taking you with him."  
  
Faye stopped breathing. She hadn't thought of it like that. //He...He was taking me with him...to a better place..\\  
  
She was startled back into awareness by Ed, who bit the hand Faye still held over her mouth. Faye was too shocked at Krai's words to retaliate.   
  
"And if it makes you feel any better, he only said Julia's name 16 times. Our medical equipment records audio output from our patients."  
  
"16 times?" Faye wasn't sure if that was good or bad.   
  
Krai winked at her, finally reaching for the door handle to Spike's door.   
  
"I believe the final score was 34-16. In favour of Faye Valentine." She waived them in. "No monkey business."  
  
With that, Krai left, shutting the door behind her. Faye and Ed were left alone to reunite with Spike.   
  
Faye thought she was going to faint.   
  
"See? Ed told Faye-Faye that Spike-Person was still alive!"  
  
**  
PLEASE REVIEW! I promise that this is the last of the introductory chapters. Next chapter will be getting down to business. 


	3. Reunited: Hear My Prayer

NB: Yep. Still in the same predicament. I don't own Cowboy Bebop. I offered my box of Cheerios in exchange for the rights, but there's just no pleasing some people.   
  
Again, thanks for the reviews! I wasn't expecting such positive feedback.  
  
Here is its. Chapter 3.   
  
**  
Reunited: Hear My Prayer  
  
**  
  
Her first glimpse of him was through thick glass. The room that she and Ed were led into was only a small waiting area attached to the one Spike was in. It had several folding chairs for visitors and a coffee table acting as a pedestal for a bible. On the wall facing the way they had come in were the large rectangular window and the door into Spike's room.   
  
Faye fought against the urge to run to that door. Instead, she walked unsteadily to the window, resting her forehead and hands against the glass. Ed followed suit.   
  
"Is Spike-Person sleeping?" Ed whispered, but Faye did not respond.  
  
Spike was lying on his back, and Faye thought he looked too pale. He had lost a lot of weight. //He looks defeated.\\ Faye thought in dismay, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, trying to remember Spike how he was before. Strong, confident, carefree.   
  
He only wore a pair of loose fitting black pants. They stood out in stark contrast with the colour of his skin. There was still a thick bandage around Spike's abdomen, and Faye remembered Krai speaking of the gash that should have killed him. She unconsciously removed one of her hands from the glass and placed it on her own stomach.   
  
"He looks like a ghost," Ed spoke again. For the first time, Faye thought the girl sounded unsure of herself.   
  
"He's..." Faye stopped, swallowing hard. "He's fine. He's only sleeping."   
  
//She had to resuscitate him six times.\\ Twin tears fell from Faye's eyes as she stared at the sleeping man. //He wanted to die. If he had gone one more time, he wouldn't be here right now. They would have let him die.\\  
  
Faye held her breath when she saw Spike stir, but he merely shifted slightly and was soon asleep again. She noticed the grimace on his face and knew she could no longer just stand outside his room. Turning to Ed, she rested a hand on the girl's shoulder.  
  
"Wait here for a bit, I don't want him to wake up just yet."  
  
Ed never looked up, but kept her hands and forehead pasted against the glass. Taking a deep breath, Faye made her way to the door. She could not help but notice the sign that requested visitors not to enter when patients were sleeping. But she disregarded it. Turning the door handle, Faye entered Spike's room.   
  
She was shocked by the frigidness of the room, and noticing Spike's bedcovers bunched in a heap at the end of his bed, Faye moved to cover him. As she neared the bed, she saw that Spike was actually shivering. //Idiot,\\ she thought, shaking her head and covering him first with a thin base sheet. //Now isn't the time to catch pneumonia and die.\\ One by one, she smoothed the three layers of bedcovers over him, careful not to wake him up. She hoped the pressure of the blankets, no matter how slight, didn't bother his abdomen.   
  
There was a chair already near the side of Spike's bed, and quietly pulling it closer, Faye sat down. She was relieved to see that the grimace had left his face, though he still shivered slightly.   
  
Faye reached out to touch him hesitantly. She let her fingertips gently brush a stray curl from his forehead. Spike exhaled deeply, and Faye nearly snatched her hand back. She didn't want him to wake up. Not yet.   
  
Spike's left hand stuck out from beneath the blankets, and Faye couldn't help but slide her hand gently underneath his.   
  
//You scared the shit out of me, Spike Spiegel,\\ she thought to herself. //If I had known you wouldn't come back that time, I would have shot you. I would have shot your kneecaps off.\\ Faye smiled, despite the bitterness welling up inside of her. //Then I would have tied you down, to keep your stubborn ass from dragging yourself to your death.\\  
  
She felt her eyes burn as she remembered watching him leave. //I should have shot you...\\   
  
She thought that firing her gun would at least make him turn around, make him acknowledge how much he was killing her. He would have caused her less pain if he had just turned around and shot her through the heart... //Like in my dream...You killed me every night in my dream.\\  
  
"Was it worth it?" she whispered aloud. "Was it worth all the pain and suffering you caused us? Was it worth all the pain and suffering you caused yourself?"  
  
Feeling tears well up in her eyes, Faye tilted her head back as if to keep the tears from leaving. She noticed the crucifix hanging on the wall above Spike's bed, and she closed her eyes. The tears fell.   
  
"I prayed every night." Faye never raised her voice above a whisper. "I knew it was pointless, but I prayed. I knew I would probably never see you again, and if I did, you'd just keep leaving. But I kept praying. I shouldn't have bothered," Faye smirked. "I've never prayed for anything else in my life. I should have just found someone else. Someone who would have made me happy. Why should I have wasted my breath on an asshole like you?"  
  
She couldn't hold back and longer. She tried to be as quiet as she could, but she couldn't control the tremors in her breathing as she hung her head and cried. Her whole body shook with the effort of containing over three months of anguish and anger.  
  
"I hate you..."  
  
**  
  
Faye didn't know how long she had been crying before she noticed the pressure on her fingers. She had never moved her hand from beneath Spike's as she wept, her free hand covering her face. But now it was unmistakable. He was squeezing her hand.   
  
She was shocked at first. Then embarrassed. She kept her hand on her burning face. //Is he awake? Did he hear what I said? Did he hear me say that I hated him?\\  
  
"Jeeze, Faye. I didn't know you had it in you."  
  
The sound of his voice caused Faye to look up against her will. He looked at her with questioning amusement, though his eyes were tired, almost lifeless. She snatched her hand from underneath his, as though it would make him forget that she had put it there.   
  
"How long have you been awake?" Faye demanded, narrowing her eyes at him accusingly.   
  
"Dunno," Spike replied, pushing his covers back and rubbing his eyes. "Long enough to see you blubbering like a baby." He yawned and tried to stretch, but stopped short. Faye saw the look of pain that crossed his features, though it only lasted a second. "Did you miss me that much?"  
  
His voice was full of amusement, but his eyes remained distant. He smiled when Faye scowled and crossed her arms.   
  
"You wish," she retorted, sticking her nose in the air. "I've been in this creepy place for over an hour. I thought I was picking up your remains and having to pay your funeral bill, and now I don't know how I'm going to pay for your medical expenses. It's enough to make any girl cry."  
  
Faye's eye caught the window of the room where she left Ed. The girl was no longer standing there. //She must have fallen asleep,\\ Faye thought, and she was almost grateful.   
  
She was forced to give up her snobby act when Spike tried to sit up. He only made it half way before bringing a hand to his stomach. He stopped, grimacing. Unable to stop herself, Faye was immediately by his side, arm around his shoulder trying to help him up.  
  
"Easy," she murmured, helping him into a sitting position. She brushed the curls out of his eyes again.   
  
"I'm ok, mom. Really."  
  
Faye stiffened at his sarcastic remark, and stepping away from him, she could feel her face burning again. She sat back down in her chair and watched Spike as he tried to swing his legs over the edge of his bed. The discomfort never left his face, but Faye didn't move to help him again. //See what I care...\\  
  
"Fuckin' hurts," he hissed when he finally had his legs over the side. Faye couldn't imagine how his slouched posture helped his predicament, but she said nothing. They sat in silence for several moments, neither of them looking at one another.   
  
"Why did you come?" Spike spoke first, and Faye's heart nearly broke again at the sound of his voice. This wasn't the Spike Spiegel she knew. This wasn't the cocky, infuriatingly annoying bastard Faye had fallen for. This was a sad, defeated man whose voice was filled with more sorrow than the entire institution that surrounded them. He was broken. Faye covered her mouth with her hand as hot tears fell from her eyes again. She prayed that Spike wouldn't look up.   
  
He did.  
  
"Faye-"  
  
She quickly turned away from him, getting up to leave. She didn't want him to see her cry. But he reached out, lightly grabbing her wrist and pulling so that she would look at him. But she refused to turn her head.   
  
"Faye-" he said again, this time his voice cracking. She nearly died.   
  
"What?" she whispered, still refusing to look at him.   
  
"Thanks."  
  
"For what?" She tried to keep her voice distant, cold, despite the sobs begging to escape from her. She waited several moments for his reply, letting him hold onto her wrist.  
  
"For coming," he finally said, pulling her wrist so that she would come to him. She complied, turning towards him so that he could see her cry.   
  
"I shouldn't have," Faye's voice was barely audible. "I should have left you here, like you left us." But even as the words left her mouth she moved to him, pulling him close and hugging his head. "You are a stupid incorrigible bastard," she hissed, pressing her face into his hair. She felt his arms around her, his hands clutching at the back of her shirt. "A stupid incorrigible bastard with absolutely no regard for anyone else. You aren't going to be so lucky next time. Next time, you're-"  
  
"Faye?" She felt Spike say against her chest.   
  
"What?" Faye snapped, annoyed that he had interrupted her lecture.   
  
"You're wearing something different."  
  
She was stunned into silence for only a moment, before she yanked Spike's head back by his hair.   
  
"Were you even listening to me?"  
  
"It's just like so much hot air I've heard before."  
  
If she hadn't been so relieved by the released tension, Faye would have cuffed him.   
  
**  
  
Man...this took me all day. I hope it's not too sappy. 


	4. Homecoming: Wonton Wonder

NB: Blah blah blah.   
  
Ok. So I've been spitting these out like a bad taste in my mouth, but I can't help it. My two weeks of summer holiday ended yesterday and I have to go back to the university tonight. That place saps my bank account and my soul. So needless to say, updates may come a bit slower after this...but not much slower. Just a bit.   
  
Actually...this one is taking longer than I expected...must think...  
  
Ja, ja, I know. Just get ON with it.   
  
So here is it. Chapter 4.  
  
**  
Homecoming: Wonton Wonder.   
  
**  
They had said their many thanks, and were now requesting Spike's leave.  
  
The holy woman was not fond of the idea that Spike should just get up and go that very day. She stood before him with her arms crossed, and their eyes were level. Spike wasn't quite steady on his feet, and she was tempted to use that against him. When Faye left to find Ed, Krai took the opportunity to speak squarely with Spike.   
  
"Its not even close to being completely healed you know. The wound hasn't even sealed. It's a wonder the skin hasn't just turned black and fallen away."  
  
Spike looked indifferent. He simply shrugged; buttoning up a black shirt Krai had offered him. He found that while his usual yellow shirt was clean, it was full of holes and tears.   
  
"I can take care of myself," he said as he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on his socks and boots.   
  
"Not if you continue with the attitude that got you here in the first place," Krai snapped, the sound of her voice causing Spike to look up at her. "Now allow me to make myself perfectly clear." She ignored the bleak expression on her patient's face. "Any sudden movement or strenuous activity may cause the wound to re-open. Then you're up shit creek."  
  
"You swear a lot, for a priest," Spike muttered.  
  
"I only utter the necessities. Now don't change the subject!"  
  
"Your language makes me uncomfortable." He spoke lightly, putting his hands behind his head and stretching.   
  
"And your lies make me laugh." There was no humour in Krai's voice.   
  
"So you're saying that I should just sit around all day?" Spike shook his head.  
  
"If it will keep you out of trouble, yes," Krai replied, then she lowered her tone. "Life isn't a video game, Mr. Spiegel. You can't just toss it around with the hopes that you'll continue to re-spawn. Don't think you have nothing to lose anymore. That young woman didn't come here today while on a simple Sunday stroll. And Ed seems incredibly fond of you."  
  
Spike yawned and Krai rolled her eyes.   
  
"I wish you luck, Mr. Spiegel." The holy woman turned to leave. "You're going to need it."  
  
**  
  
As she expected, Faye found Ed sleeping in the next room. She had curled herself up on the small coffee table, using the large bible as a pillow. When Faye touched her shoulder, Ed shot up stiffly, though she still seemed asleep. Her face had been pressed against the pages of the book long enough for the print to transfer onto her face.   
  
"We should sell you to this place," Faye smirked. "You can be their walking billboard."  
  
It wasn't long before Krai exited Spike's room, looking a little less than pleased.   
  
"I trust my instructions for his continued treatment were clear?" she asked, and Faye knew the older woman did not want him leaving. But Faye was not going to ask Spike to stay any longer. If he wanted to return to the Bebop with her and Ed that very day, she was more than willing to comply. She would make sure he didn't do anything stupid.   
  
"Perfectly," Faye replied, then crossed her arms and looked over at Spike who was still in the next room. "I'll keep him in line."  
  
"Then I wish you luck as well," the holy woman sighed. "That man is a stubborn ass." With that, she nodded at Faye and left her to take Spike out of her care.   
  
**  
  
For the next two weeks, life on the Bebop left little to be desired. No one fought, no one complained, and everyone pulled his or her weight for a change. Everyone except Spike. Life was especially good for Spike, if he didn't count the constant ache on his abdomen and the recurring nightmares. Other than that, he was treated like a guest, and he liked it.   
  
The day started off with hot water. Spike didn't know how Faye managed it, but she always saved him more hot water than he could use. After a comfortably long shower, he was treated with the first cup of coffee from the pot. He didn't know who got the cup with all the grounds. He didn't really care, as long as it wasn't him. After his coffee, Faye always checked and treated the gash on his stomach. She didn't goad him on, she didn't call him an idiot, and best of all, and she didn't bring up how he got it.   
  
Faye was acting especially kind towards him. He couldn't imagine why. In fact, it confused the hell out of him, but he didn't mention it. //Why ruin a good thing? I like not having to do my laundry.\\   
  
She was always considering him, always trying to make his life easier. She would pick up after him, collect, wash and dry his laundry. She would bring him snacks from the galley, adjust the TV reception for him, and buy him cigarettes. Spike had never seen a stranger sight. He never imagined Faye, with her skimpy yellow outfit and quick temper, to regard him with anything more than annoyance. And yet, he wasn't quite sure what she regarded him with now. And how long would it last?  
  
Spike spent a lot of time in the common room, lounging on the yellow couch. Jet joined him often since his return, and the two sat in meditative silence. Or in mild amusement when Ed and Ein were present.   
  
Faye had gone out earlier that day to pick up groceries. When she returned, her three crewmates regarded her with raised eyebrows. Spike tilted his head over the back of the yellow couch.  
  
"What did you bring me?"  
  
"Souvenir!" Ed sang.  
  
Faye tossed Spike a pack of cigarettes and stuck her tongue out at Ed before she disappeared for the galley. Ed growled after her.  
  
"Life is grand," Spike mused, opening his cigarette pack. He took a cigarette then tossed the pack to Jet, who helped himself.   
  
"Don't get used to it," Jet warned, though he saw that Spike wasn't listening. Jet thought he looked far too tired for his own good. Before he could comment, Faye reappeared.   
  
"So what do you want? Shrimp or pork?"  
  
Jet and Spike looked at her in question while Ed, seeming to have forgiven the older woman, danced around her.  
  
"SHRIMP!"  
  
Ein barked as if in agreement.   
  
Faye didn't appear to care for their opinion.   
  
"Pork." Jet offered, and wasn't surprised to see her ignore his opinion as well. He crossed his arms and looked over a Spike expectantly.   
  
Lighting his cigarette, Spike took a long drag. He sat back, draping his arms over the back of the yellow couch.   
  
"For what?" he said out of the side of his mouth. He stole a glance at her, but it was short lived. He had trouble making eye contact with her. He wouldn't openly admit it. Not even to himself. If he did admit it, then he'd have to explain it, and he knew he couldn't.  
  
"I'm making wontons," Faye replied, as if it was nothing of consequence. Spike nearly choked.   
  
"You're what!?"  
  
Ed shrieked in delight.   
  
"Ed and Ein LOVE wontons!"  
  
"So what do you want? Shrimp or pork?"  
  
"SHRIMP!" Ed shouted again, picking up Ein and squeezing him. The dog yelped.   
  
"Pork!" Jet said again, arms still crossed, daring Spike to contradict his preference.   
  
Spike sat for several moments, eyes narrowed as if in deep thought. His crewmates waited expectantly.   
  
"Shrimp," he said finally, earning glee from Ed and a disgruntled sound from Jet. "AND pork." At that, both Jet AND Ed made a disgruntled sound.   
  
"You mean some of each?" Faye asked.   
  
Spike stuck his nose in the air and waved a finger at her as if she were a child.   
  
"All-in-one!" he replied, and at that, his stomach growled.   
  
"Ok." Faye turned to leave and Spike and Jet looked after her in a mixture of amazement and confusion.   
  
"Can you bring me a coke while you're at it?" Spike called after her.   
  
"Ok."  
  
Spike and Jet exchanged looks of disbelief.   
  
"Life IS grand," Spike said again with a grin, and shifted so that he could stretch out on the couch.   
  
"Like I said," Jet replied, getting up. "Don't get used to it."  
  
**  
  
Faye had been working for nearly two hours before Spike came into the galley. She was in the process of filling the wonton papers with the shrimp and pork concoction. Spike leaned against the entryway, and Faye could feel his eyes on her. He thought she looked strange in Jet's apron. Very strange. When Faye looked over at him, he diverted his eyes.   
  
"Smells good," he said. "I didn't know you could cook."  
  
"Thanks," Faye replied, turning away. But Spike saw her blush. "My grandma taught me to make these when I was younger..." she paused. "At least, I think that's what I remember."  
  
"Did you need something?" she asked after several moments.   
  
"Well," Spike began, shrugging. "I was waiting for my coke, but it never came."  
  
Faye made a little noise, stopping what she was doing when she remembered that she forgot to get him his coke. She immediately put down the wonton she was working on and retrieved a coke for Spike. They both avoided each other's glances when Faye handed him the can, and they both froze as their fingers touched. Faye thought they stood there for what seemed hours, and her face felt as though it was on fire.   
  
"You know," Spike finally broke the silence. Faye was shocked into looking up at him, and she was surprised to see him finally looking at her. She almost smiled. "For someone claiming to hate me, you sure dote on me. You're going to make me think you don't hate me at all." He stepped closer, not really knowing what he was doing.   
  
"I do not," Faye whispered, looking away, and her already red face became even redder. She pulled her hand from his. //Does this mean he heard what I said at the church?\\ Faye felt herself get annoyed, and somewhat angry at Spike for not mentioning it at the time. And then she was angry at him for joking about it now.   
  
"Don't what? Hate me or dote on me?" He was joking, but Faye felt her anger flare.   
  
//Asshole! How dare he make light of my efforts? After all I did for him, after lowering myself enough to take care of him! Is this his idea of a 'thank-you?'\\  
  
"Dote on you!" she hissed.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
Faye snatched back the coke. It gave her sudden pleasure knowing that it was the last one. She pushed past him, leaving her wontons unfinished.   
  
Spike was left standing with a bitter taste in his mouth. //That didn't go over very well...\\ He eyed Faye's wontons and felt his stomach growl.   
  
"Does this mean I don't get any wontons?" he turned and yelled after her. He was answered by the slamming of her door.   
  
"Shit," he muttered.   
  
**  
  
Much to Spike's disappointment, things had reverted back to normal. He woke up to little or no coffee, cold showers, and Jet's breakfasts. Faye neither did his laundry nor did she help him with his wound. She never asked if he was hungry, and often, late at nights, Spike would open the fridge to discover that the leftovers were already gone. And worst of all, he didn't get any wontons. He didn't know what Faye did with the unfinished batch, but he couldn't find them to save his life.   
  
"Women are too touchy for their own good," Spike commented as he lay back on the yellow couch. His abdomen wouldn't stop itching, and his head ached but he stretched out as if he didn't have a care in the world.   
  
"And you're too provocative for yours," Jet replied, sitting across from Spike and lighting a cigarette. "And you're just upset because you have no one to wait hand and foot on you anymore."  
  
Spike shrugged, lighting his own cigarette.   
  
"Its not like I insulted her."  
  
Jet chuckled at the scowl forming on Spike's face.   
  
"Women are insulted more easily, and by totally different things than men are," he replied, and Spike rolled his eyes. As if he didn't know that already. But he really didn't think he insulted her. He certainly didn't intend to, and while he was disappointed that he had to carry his own weight now, he was upset that Faye wasn't speaking to him. He toyed with the idea of apologizing, but thought better of it. //I didn't do anything wrong!\\  
  
Ed entered the room with her Tomato on her head. Ein followed her closely. She sat herself on the table between Spike and Jet, and she faced Spike as she took the Tomato off of her head.   
  
"Ed has a deal for Spike-Person!" she sang, placing the Tomato beside her.   
  
"That's nice," Spike replied, closing his eyes and taking a long drag from his cigarette. //I need a nap.\\  
  
"Isn't Spike-Person going to ask Ed about the deal?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then Ed will tell you!"  
  
"Figures," Spike muttered. He put his hands behind his head.   
  
Ed extended her arms towards Spike and began waving them up and down. When he opened his eyes to look, he thought her arms looked as though they were made of rubber.   
  
"Ed will read Spike-Person's mind for 500 Woolong!"  
  
"Dream on," Spike snorted. "I can read my own mind for free." He took another drag on his cigarette. "Besides, I don't have 500 Woolong."  
  
"That's ok. Pay Ed later."  
  
"Forget it."  
  
"I don't know, Spike," Jet said, crossing his arms. "Sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime offer."  
  
"Whose side are you on?" Spike glared at the older man. "Why don't you read Jet's mind?" he asked Ed.   
  
"Ed didn't make a deal for Jet-Person," the girl sang. "Only for Spike-Person!"  
  
"Go away!" Spike closed his eyes again.   
  
"Come on," Jet teased. "Humour us."  
  
//Unbelievable.\\ Spike thought. //I am so getting him back for this.\\  
  
"Fine!" he snapped, snatching the cigarette from between his lips and reaching to slam it into the ashtray beside Ed. "Make it quick!"  
  
Ed was silent. She just stared at him.   
  
"Well?" Spike was losing his patience. //Stupid women. Driving me nuts!\\  
  
"Ed needs some collateral."  
  
"Some what!?" Spike shouted.  
  
"Ed needs reassurance that Spike-Person will pay Ed."  
  
"I know what it means," Spike's scowl deepened. "And forget it. You're not getting anything!"  
  
Ed growled.   
  
"You're not going to leave me alone, are you?" Spike sighed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his lighter. "Here's your damn collateral."  
  
Ed snatched the lighter, and flashing Spike a toothy grin, she began waving her arms at him again. This time, she closed her eyes and hummed, and Ein barked. Jet looked highly amused.   
  
"Spike-Person likes wontons!" Ed sang, and Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"Ed-"  
  
"Spike-Person likes Faye-Faye's wontons!"  
  
Spike's face contorted into a look of sheer annoyance.   
  
"Spike-Person wants Faye-Faye's big, juicy wontons!"  
  
With a sound of protest, Spike sat straight up, ignoring the pain in his abdomen. He could see Jet trying to hold in his laughter.   
  
"Spike-Person doesn't want aaaannnnnyyyybody else's wontons! He thinks Faye-Faye's are the best!"  
  
"That's impossible!" Spike shouted. "I haven't even had Faye's wontons!"  
  
Spike glared bloody murder at Jet as the older man began to laugh.   
  
"Faye-Faye's wontons..." Ed chanted, swaying as though she was possessed.   
  
"Shut up!" Spike snarled, slamming his fist on the table. Ed continued to chant. Spike took the opportunity to snatch his lighter back.   
  
"I wouldn't pay you five woolong for that, you little pervert!" he hissed, and Jet laughed louder.   
  
Stuffing his lighter back in his pocket, Spike got up to leave. His eye twitched when he saw Ed suddenly stop swaying, and her eyes shot open. With a snarl of her own, Ed launched her self off the table and wrapped herself around Spike's leg. Before he could protest, the girl bit his calf.   
  
Spike cried out more in shock than in pain, and grabbing hold of the couch for support, he tried to shake her off.   
  
"Leggo!" he shouted, but Ed bit down harder. Spike fell back into the couch, clutching his stomach and glaring at Jet.  
  
"Get her off! GET HER OFF!"  
  
Jet moved quickly around the table and tried to remove Ed from Spike's leg.   
  
"Don't pull! DON'T PULL!"  
  
Ed would not budge. The more they tried to dislodge her from Spike's leg, the harder she bit down, and Spike thought she was going to take a chunk out of him.  
  
"Alright, you little shit!" Spike shouted. "I'll pay you!"  
  
Ed immediately released him. She stood up and held out her hand. Scowling, Spike pulled out his lighter and gave it to her. Satisfied, Ed danced out of the room.   
  
"Jesus Christ," Spike panted, still holding on to his stomach. If he hadn't looked so pale, Jet would have laughed at him again. "This time, we really are going to sell her to the circus!"  
  
At that, Jet did laugh, but stopped short when Spike got up to leave.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
Spike pulled his jacket on angrily.   
  
"I'm getting my own fucking wontons!" He was not amused when Jet started laughing again.   
  
"That could get expensive!"  
  
"Shut up!" Spike shouted, jabbing a finger at him. "Just shut up!"  
  
He stormed from the room like an angry child.   
  
**  
  
Damn...that didn't go where I wanted it. Sorry if I missed any errors.   
I'll try to update before next week. 


	5. Nightmare: The Choosing Game

NB: I should write a book about all the things I don't own, but wish I did.   
  
All right! No more monkey business. Time to get serious.   
ARGH!!! I swear to God, this is my 6th attempt to write this chapter. Nothing sounded right. I almost gave up!  
  
But here it is...Chapter FIVE!  
**  
Nightmare: The Choosing Game  
  
**  
  
Spike didn't return until very late, partly because of his continuing search for take-out wontons, and partly because he was embarrassed to show his face. He entered the Bebop empty handed, and only after the urge to wring Ed's neck had passed. He imagined that Ed had already told Faye about the incident, and if she hadn't, Jet wouldn't waste any time. Spike wondered if she would have interpreted it the same way he had.   
  
And it was all in the way that he had interpreted it that had made it so embarrassing. He knew Ed wasn't referring to Faye's anatomy when she chanted about her wontons. He wouldn't admit it at first, but the perversion was all in his own mind. Of course, Jet had seen right through him, which made it all worse.   
  
Without turning on any lights, he moved to sit down onto the yellow couch, loosening his tie. The itching of his abdominal wound had turned into a constant burn. //I really should check on it...later...\\ Placing his hand over the bandaged area, he tilted his head over the back of couch and closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind.   
  
It was impossible.   
  
Without opening his eyes, he reached into his jacket for his cigarettes, as though the act of smoking would take his mind off of her. He sighed when he remembered he no longer had a lighter, and dropping his hand to his side, he continued to sit with his eyes closed.   
  
He tried to push away the gnawing guilt that was growing in the pit of his stomach. With every image of Faye that flooded through his mind, the guilty sensation seemed to expand. Ever since he had turned his back on her before he left to kill Vicious, Faye's face took permanent root in his mind. When he tried to replace it with Julia, he found he couldn't, and his betrayal left a lump in his throat. He had died with Faye's tear stained face in his mind's eye, and he had come back to that same face.   
  
//But it's not like I'm in love with her,\\ he tried to reason with himself. //She's not my type...\\  
  
Before he could finish the thought, he was inundated with the memory of Faye firing her gun after him as he left. He could almost believe that it was her unwillingness to see him go that made her stick to his mind. She wanted to physically harm him in order to prevent him from leaving. She wanted him to stay.   
  
//Julia never tried-\\   
  
He stopped himself. He couldn't bring himself to even finish the thought. //That was totally different. There is no comparison,\\ Spike told himself, but the gnawing guilt exploded within him, telling him that he was very wrong. //They both knew I was going to get killed, when I left them,\\ he thought bitterly. //But only Faye really tried to stop me, even if she knew she couldn't...\\   
  
Spike absent-mindedly retrieved a cigarette, placing it between his lips. He didn't remove it when he remembered his missing lighter again.   
  
//Only Faye tried to stop me,\\ he thought again, //And I never even gave her a reason to.\\  
  
With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes with his palms. //I'm not thinking about this anymore. I'm tired, I'm hungry, my stomach itches, and I'm not about to think mushy thoughts about THAT woman.\\  
  
He couldn't help it. He had to smirk. //Even in she does have nice wontons...\\  
  
Palms still rubbing his eyes, he clenched his hands and growled in frustration.   
  
"What am I doing?" he spoke aloud, but careful to keep the unlit cigarette in place. It provided a small comfort, simply resting there. "What the hell am I doing?"  
  
"Who knows," a familiar voice replied, followed by the click of a lighter. "You should get some sleep."  
  
Lowering his hands, Spike raised his head, opened his eyes, and took a drag from his now lit cigarette. Faye stood before him in the dark, lighting her own cigarette before sitting on the table across from him. He hadn't heard her come into the room, and definitely hadn't heard her walk over to him.   
  
"Yo." He wanted to ask her why she was still up, if she had been waiting for him, if she was still mad at him. But couldn't bring himself to.  
  
"Thanks for the light," she smirked, holding his lighter out to him. Spike looked at it skeptically. He fought the urge to reach down and rub his calf, which was still sore from when Ed bit him.   
  
"Does Ed know you have that?" he asked, not taking it from her. "She bites, you know."  
  
"She made me a deal," Faye replied, looking at Spike slyly. Spike felt his face burn. "She said if I made her some wontons, she'd give me your lighter." She took a drag from her cigarette, and Spike watched the smoke curl slowly, delicately, from between her lips. "It's just as well," Faye continued in a light tone. "I temporarily misplaced my lighter, so yours came in handy."  
  
"Temporarily?" He suddenly felt strange, staring at her in her pajamas. He had never seen those pajamas before. They were big, loose, and looked like they were made out of fleece. She looked comfortable. He wanted to reach out --  
  
"Well, I found it," she said, still holding his lighter out to him. "So I guess you can have yours back."   
  
"Thanks," he muttered, reaching out to take it, but Faye snatched it back.  
  
"For a price."  
  
"Of course." Sighing, Spike leaned back into the couch, putting his feet up on the table next to Faye. He raised his brows in unamused expectation.   
  
"Hmmm," she made a show of assessing his lighter, holding it up as though there was a light to examine it under. "I wouldn't take anything less than 500 woolong."  
  
Spike glared at her through his embarrassment, gritting his teeth. Seeing his expression, Faye laughed and tossed him his lighter. Spike caught it in surprise. //That's it? She isn't going to keep playing with me?\\  
  
They stared at each other for several moments, and Spike almost forgot about the burning itch on his abdomen. Faye's eyes looked enormous in the dark, and Spike could see enough of her to tell that she was looking at him strangely. Her gaze lacked all the scorn and amusement she had harbored against him. Spike almost looked away when he realized that she was looking at him with affection. Plain and simple. It made him more than uncomfortable, but he couldn't say that he wanted her to stop.   
  
// Don't think you have nothing to lose anymore,\\ he could hear the holy woman's voice in his head. //That young woman didn't come here today while on a simple Sunday stroll.\\   
  
Spike smirked. Krai had also told him that Ed was fond of him...//then the little freak bit me.\\   
  
"Does this mean you've forgiven me?" Spike finally ventured after a long silence. He kept an amused tone in his voice so that Faye wouldn't know that he actually cared. But she only smiled and looked away.   
  
"You hungry?" she asked him after more silence. As if on que, Spike's stomach growled.   
  
"Starved." He watched Faye get up from the table and walk away, but he made no move himself. Yet.  
  
"If you hurry," she said over her shoulder, "There might be some wontons left by the time you catch up."  
  
And that was enough incentive for him.   
  
**  
  
Spike followed Faye into the galley, and had barely settled himself on a stool before she placed a steaming bowl of wonton soup before him. Spike wondered if she had originally prepared it for herself, as his appeared to be the last portion. He watched her carry the empty pot to the large sink and fill it with water. She then turned to face him, leaning back against the sink. She wasn't smiling.   
  
"Think of it as a peace offering," she said, crossing her arms, looking down at Spike's feet. "Life is too short for us to spend fighting all the time."  
  
Spike was stunned. There she was, the queen of controversy with the lengthened life span, telling him that life was too short to spend fighting. He didn't think it was possible for he and Faye to hold any type of relationship, regardless of its nature, and not fight. But he didn't say that to her. He found he had no desire to be irksome. At least, not until he had finished his wontons.   
  
"But that's what we do best," he said with a nonchalant sigh, trying to keep the mood light. Faye was still staring at his feet, and he began to feel uncomfortable again. "Don't you want any?" he asked, drawing Faye's attention to the bowl in front of him. "I might be willing to share."  
  
Faye only smirked before moving to open the small fridge. She pulled out a plate of leftovers, which Spike could only describe as looking like green 'schlop'.  
  
"You're not serious," Spike muttered after cooling down a wonton enough to pop it into his mouth. "What is that shit?"  
  
"Beats me," Faye replied, heating it up. "Jet calls it his 'Rare Garlic Rapini."  
  
Spike made gagging sounds, but Faye only shrugged.   
  
"It's not bad, once you get over the bitterness."  
  
"And wash it down with motor oil," Spike snickered, popping another wonton into his mouth. "I hate to admit it, but these could pass as some decent wontons." He wasn't quite willing to admit that he couldn't really remember having better. He would stick with 'decent'.  
  
Faye didn't say anything as she retrieved her plate of food and took a mouthful of the green mess. Spike didn't miss her grimace, and even before that, he didn't miss the hint of sadness that hid behind her eyes. He tried to ignore it, not wanting to bring it up. And so they both sat in silence, eating their meals.   
  
It was some time before Spike realized that Faye was staring at him. When he looked up, she couldn't mask her sadness quickly enough. But again, he said nothing.   
  
"Are you glad that you're back?" she asked him with a slight smile, voice barely above a whisper. Spike immediately looked down at his almost finished bowl of wonton soup. He wasn't hungry anymore. He felt the force behind her question, the parts left unasked. //She wants to know if I'm glad that I'm alive...\\ He didn't know if he could possibly answer that question. Not with the answer she wanted to hear. When he looked up again, she was almost in front of him, half sitting on the galley countertop.   
  
"You never answered my question," he said easily, putting his hands behind his head. He knew that she actually had answered his question of forgiveness; the bowl of wontons was proof enough of that. But he felt the desperate need to avoid her question.   
  
"What question?" she murmured, and Spike held his breath as she moved away from the countertop and stood very close to him. She raised her hand as if to touch his face, but she hesitated. Against his will, Spike lowered a hand from his head and took hold of her hand. The guilty feeling tore through his body and he began to sweat, but he wouldn't stop her. He couldn't.   
  
"I asked if you had forgiven me," he muttered, feeling his face burn again. He suddenly felt very stupid. "I mean, because I made fun of you," he stammered, looking away. //What the hell's wrong with me?\\ "For doting on me. You -"  
  
He was silenced as Faye face came very close to his. Before he realized what was happening, he felt Faye's lips on his. The lightest touch, but he could barely breathe. When he didn't respond, Faye pulled back. Spike couldn't look at her.   
  
"I'll take that as a no," he said with dry humour. It came out harsher than he intended. Faye, still very close to him, stiffened.   
  
"What do you mean?" she demanded, and Spike could hear the anger in her voice.   
  
He tried to act coy, making up for the damage he had just done.  
"Kissing someone after eating Jet's Rare Garlic Rapini is the most severe form of cruel and unusual punishment."  
  
Faye's face fell, and Spike immediately regretted his words. It must have sounded as though he was telling her not to kiss him, or that he didn't like it. In truth, Spike had no idea what he wanted at that moment, except that he didn't want to hurt her. Not anymore.   
  
But he had hurt her.  
  
Crestfallen, Faye turned to leave, but Spike caught her arm gently. Like he had in the cathedral basement, he pulled her back to him. He kept his hand on her arm, as if he was afraid she would leave.   
  
"I don't know if I'm glad to be back," he said, trying to answer her question. "I haven't had anything to lose in a long time." Spike swallowed. "Not even -" He couldn't finish the thought. He looked up at Faye and shrugged. "I just don't know."  
  
He was surprised to see Faye nod, smiling sadly. But she didn't say anything, and Spike let her go. He watched her leave.  
  
When she was gone, he placed his elbows on the countertop and rested his head in his hands. He didn't realize how hot he was. The guilty feeling in his stomach was beginning to make him numb. He tried to imagine Julia again, her face, her hair, her voice...anything...But Faye's image washed over it like water, and he felt his mouth go dry.   
  
//When I faced Vicious, I thought I had nothing to lose,\\ Spike thought, beginning to feel exhausted. "She's changing everything," he said aloud, almost bitterly. "THAT woman is changing everything."  
  
**  
  
After only four hours of sleep, Spike awoke with an agonizing dryness in his mouth. When he tried to swallow, it felt as though his tongue was tearing away his palate. He tried to sit up, clutching his throat as if it would ease the pain, but he didn't make it. Spike sank back down onto his sweat soaked sheets.   
  
He was on fire, and the heat seemed to be emanating from his abdomen in all directions. When he tried to place a hand over the bandaged wound, he was greeted by sharp, unbearable pain.   
  
He shifted himself as carefully as he could to the edge of his bed, swinging his legs slowly over the side. When he finally managed to sit up, Spike couldn't suppress a groan. His head pounded and his vision blurred. //What the hell...\\  
  
He dragged himself to his feet, at first using the small table by his bed for support, then the wall. He stood for several moments, just leaning his body against the cool metal. When he began to move, he had to concentrate very hard on placing one foot in front of the other. //Feels like...\\  
  
He stumbled when he reached his door, and it took more strength than he thought he had to keep himself on his feet. //Feels like my brain...\\ His door opened, and he was met with momentary relief as cool air washed over him, but the burning soon took over again. He forced himself to keep moving. //Feels like my brain is falling...//  
  
Inch by inch he made his way to the bathroom, fighting the urge to swallow. //Burns...\\  
  
Spike couldn't remember making it to the bathroom, or entering it. He simply found himself leaning on the sink, using his arms to support his weight. He stared at himself in the mirror, unable to focus on his image, but able to see how red he was. //What...\\. He could feel beads of sweat traveling down his face, down his neck, and down his back. //What the hell's wrong...\\  
  
He couldn't focus on the faucet, and found himself fumbling to turn it on. He lowered himself so that the flow of the water struck him in the face, and for a moment, he felt bliss. He tried to concentrate some of the flow into his mouth, forcing it down his throat, but he couldn't do it without choking.   
  
Spike focused long enough to turn the water off and grab the antiseptic he had left on the counter. He then let himself sink back onto the floor, resting his back against the wall. He sat there for several minutes, breathing hard and wiping sweat from his eyes, before he made to lift his tank top over the bandage on his stomach. He gingerly pulled at the edges of his bandage, trying to remove it as painlessly as possible. //Left it...too long...\\  
  
Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth, he pulled steadily on the bandage until it released his skin. He took several deeps breaths before he ventured to look at his infected wound. When he did look at it, he could hear himself cursing Faye for neglecting him.   
  
The long gash was crimson, standing out like a beacon on his already red skin. The flesh was puckered, and at the slightest touch, would send white flashes of pain dancing across his vision.   
  
//Suck it up,\\ he told himself, lifting the bottle of antiseptic and trying to unscrew the lid. //Not so bad...\\ His hand slipped from the cap, and he had to try again. //Just a fever.\\ The cap finally gave way, and the hand that removed it dropped limply to his side. //Just a bad fever...\\  
  
He didn't know what else to do. Trying to hold the bottle as steadily as possible, Spike poured its entire contents over the length of the gash. He was relieved when it didn't sting, but the pressure of the liquid hitting the infected skin caused more of the searing pain. He watched as the liquid bubbled and foamed along the gash, and then flooded off of his body in white rivulets.   
  
Spike sat against the bathroom wall for what seemed to him as hours. The longer he sat, the hotter he felt, and he found himself nodding off. He had enough sense and enough strength left to lift his back from off the wall and force himself onto his hands and knees. He then crawled painfully slow to the tub, and upon reaching it, allowed himself to tumble in. Shifting to his back, he used his foot to try and turn the cold-water tap on, and water erupted from the large tub faucet. He spent the last of his energy trying to hit the switch that would force the water out of the showerhead and down onto him.   
  
When at last he felt the icy water cascade against him, Spike closed his eyes and lost consciousness.   
  
**  
  
Everything shifted from gray to black, and from the darkness, his recurring nightmare formed.  
  
Spike was trying to level his gun, trying to concentrate on the figure that stood at the top of the stairs. But his vision betrayed him. He couldn't open his one eye, and the other kept blurring.   
  
He fired. Once. Twice. He didn't need his eyes to tell him that he missed. But it didn't matter. Not anymore. With a consuming fury, he found himself rushing up the stairs to meet Vicious head on. The man was ready for him, and Spike could feel every blow he blocked, and every blow that hit its mark.   
  
He said something, but all he could hear was her name tear from his mouth, and it hung in the darkness, as Vicious' reply was nothing but air screaming past his ears.   
  
He lunged forward again, but his limbs felt heavy, and his vision darkened. He tried to pull away, but something within him kept forcing him on. With every blow he bestowed upon Vicious, his vision cleared, but with every blow received, he fell further into darkness.   
  
He wanted the darkness. He would have given in if the weight of his gun hadn't left him, and the flash of Vicious' sword landing at his feet hadn't caught his eye. Spike could barely think, and as he stood facing Vicious, he knew he was going to die. He had known before he left the Bebop, and he accepted it. He accepted it because he had nothing else to lose. Spike never wanted to have anything to lose ever again.   
  
"Let's end it all." His words cut across the silence, echoing into the darkness surrounding them.  
  
"If that is your wish."  
  
Nothing ever prepared him for the voice behind those words. And nothing ever stopped him from tossing Vicious' sword forward.   
  
It was the only time he could see her face anymore, in his dreams. In those few precious moments where he stood facing her, Julia never looked at him. She always looked through him; beyond him at something he could only perceive himself once he seemingly drifted aside, becoming a bystander.   
  
He would then look back to where he had stood, and see Faye standing in his place.   
  
She held his gun aimed steadily at Julia, and Julia held Vicious' sword, ready to strike Faye. Spike would watch in horror, trying to step forward to get between them, but he found that he could only go one way or the other. There was no in between. The closer he came to Faye, he tried to pull towards Julia. The closer he came to Julia, he tried to pull towards Faye. He couldn't save them both.   
  
He had to choose.   
  
**  
  
ARGH again! I need to go bang my head against a wall or something. 


	6. Misery: We Might Be Wrong

NB: Dum dee dum. I don't own Cowboy Bebop or anything else cool. I DO, however, own the Guide to Critical Thinking...not that it has helped me any...because I haven't read it.   
  
You guys are too good to me. And now I feel bad making you wait for this chapter while I suffer through some obscure form of the stomach flu and plough through some book on Sherpas. Just great.  
  
Anyhoo. Thanks for the reviews. I couldn't do this if you guys weren't so supportive.  
So, here it is. The BIG chapter 6! I think...I lost count...   
  
**  
Misery: We Might Be Wrong  
  
**  
  
Oddly enough, Spike realized that it was his complete lack of discomfort that had awoken him. He could vaguely remember being in the bathroom; doing what, he couldn't say, but he knew he ended up in the bathtub.   
  
The comfortably soft warmth surrounding him alerted Spike that he was no longer in the tub. Scratching his stomach, he also noticed that the wound on his abdomen was freshly bandaged and no longer itched. There was still a slight burn, but Spike had to concentrate in order to detect it. He sighed, almost feeling good. Everything felt all right. Everything except...  
  
Spike opened his eyes to glare at Ein, who, perched on his chest, was panting in Spike's face. Spike raised a hand to push the dog off of him, but was surprised to find that he was petting Ein instead. For a moment, he thought that Ein looked surprised too.  
  
"Don't get used to it," Spike muttered. "I'll be a lonely old man before I resort to petting an animal again."  
  
"You're awake!" Ed shrieked, nearly sending both Spike and Ein through the roof.  
  
She had been sitting on the floor of Spike's room, playing what looked like highly modified solitaire with an unfamiliar deck of cards. When Ed heard that he was awake, she leapt to her feet and threw her arms around the now-sitting Spike's neck. Ein jumped off of the bed to avoid the crushing embrace.   
  
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Spike found it hard to speak as, to his annoyance, his face was buried in Ed's pink hair. He tugged at the back of her tank top, trying to pull her off of him, but she would not let go.   
  
"Faye-Faye and Jet-Person told Ed to look after Spike-Person!" Ed sang, throwing her arms from around Spike's neck and up into the air. Spike took that opportunity to lie back on his bed, so that Ed wouldn't get hold of his neck again.  
  
"Jet-Person found Spike-Person in the bathtub, and wanted to leave you there for wasting all the water." Ed made swimming gestures while she sang. "Faye-Faye taught Ed how to fix your ouchie and to make sure that you don't do anything stupid while she is gone!" Stretching her arms out like wings, Ed leapt onto Spike's bed, barely missing landing on his legs, only to leap off of it. Watching her, Spike rubbed one eye with the palm of his hand, sighing miserably.   
  
"Where did they go?" Spike tried to ask the girl as she tore around his room, making engine noises. //They must hate me,\\ he thought bitterly, //leaving me alone with this little freak.\\   
  
Ed stopped abruptly at where she had left her card game, and sat down again in front of it.   
  
"Ed, where did they go?"  
  
The girl didn't answer right away, but instead, cocked her head towards the ceiling in a thoughtful pose.   
  
"Faye-Faye went to catch the poison man." Ed picked up one of her cards and examined it closely. "Ed wanted to go too, but Faye-Faye said to look after Spike-Person."  
  
"Jet went with her?"  
  
Ed shook her head. "Faye-Faye went by herself."  
  
"Then where is he?" Spike glared at Ed as the girl took on a dazed look and yawned. "Where is he, Ed?"  
  
"Faye-Faye called Ed yesterday morning," Ed said through a yawn. "She wanted Jet-Person to go help her." She scooped all of her cards into a pile and began arranging them back into a deck. "Faye-Faye said she was in trouble."  
  
Spike did not like the sound of that. He felt a cold lump form in the pit of his stomach.   
  
"When did Jet leave?" Spike sat up quickly, swinging his legs over the side. His mind was too occupied with his crewmates for him to realize the new freedom of movement he had.   
  
"Lunch time!" Ed brought her neatly arranged deck of cards to her chest, then, without warning, shot her arms upwards, releasing the cards into the air. Ein began barking as the cards fluttered downwards.   
  
Spike was quickly losing his patients.   
  
"Forget about your stomach, Ed! What time did Jet leave?" He irritably brushed away a card that had landed in his hair.   
  
"Ed told you! Jet-Person left at lunch time."  
  
"Has he called?" //Shit,\\ Spike thought. //I'm beginning to sound like a nagging grandmother.\\  
  
Spike didn't wait for Ed's answer. Getting up from his bed, he quickly found a clean shirt and, pulling it over his head, he made to leave the room. Ed leaned over and latched onto his leg as he passed.   
  
"If you bite me again, I'll -"  
  
"Ed promised Faye-Faye that you would stay in bed!"  
  
Spike paused for a moment, reaching down to pry Ed off of his leg. He was relieved when she didn't protest.   
  
"I think I've been in bed long enough," he muttered, opening the door to his room.   
  
"Only two days!" Ed whined, getting up to follow him.   
  
"What do you mean, 'Only two days?'?" Spike snapped, and he began making his way to the control room, wishing he had worn socks.   
  
His heart began to pound when he heard the beep of an incoming call. He found himself running, leaping up the few steps that led to the control room. He wasn't even aware of the words he was mouthing as he made to activate the call, //She's all right...\\  
  
An exhausted looking Jet greeted him.   
  
"Jet!" Spike exclaimed, sounding a little more than disappointed and worried at the same time. The older man seemed surprised to see Spike.  
  
"That was a fast recovery," Jet grumbled. Spike could hear sirens and gunshots in the background. The cold lump in his stomach expanded.   
  
"Where's Faye?" he demanded, ignoring Jet's comment on his health. Spike watched Jet's face darken on the computer screen.   
  
"I was hoping you could tell me. She's not where she said she'd be. I thought maybe she had a chance to get out of here and made it back with you guys." Jet's brow furrowed in angry worry. "Damn woman. I told her not to risk it alone."  
  
Spike suddenly realized he had no idea who they were after in the first place. He was almost afraid to ask.   
  
"Han Rowan. The terrorist who infiltrated all major coffee and tea production companies fifteen years ago and made sure that every product put on a store shelf was laced with Yrukon5."  
  
"What the hell is eeroocon five?" Spike demanded, irritated with Jet for not speaking his language.   
  
"A deadly poison that Rowan helped develop, and it only works if taken orally. Turns the esophagus and stomach into slag. Very painful."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"No one could find him then, and now that he's back on the scene, it seems like no one can find him now either. He's worth 25 million, for fifteen years ago, and now for selling the poison in pure form to whoever's willing to pay for it. Faye was patching you up when Ed claimed that she had found him."  
  
"What the hell is going on over there?" Spike asked, still hearing the sirens and gunshots. Faye had gone after a teatime terrorist, got herself in enough trouble that she had to call Jet, and now it sounded as if a war was going on in the background.  
  
The older man sighed, scratching the top of his head.  
  
"Turns out that Faye wasn't the only bounty hunter aware of Rowan's position. She bumped into this other character while trying to scout the place out. He apparently gave her a pretty rough time, and after running out of ammo in a shoot out, she had to find someplace to hide. Naturally, their little gun games alerted whoever was in the compound, and -"  
  
"Where are you?" Spike cut him off, feeling a very unpleasant, very unfamiliar panic form inside of him. "I'll -"  
  
"Never mind!" Jet snapped. "This place is bad enough without some idiot cripple coming in to screw things up."  
  
"I resent that," Spike muttered, sighing.  
  
"Her Red Tail is still here. I'm going to keep looking. She may be a damn nuisance, but she can look after herself. She's fine, wherever she's hiding."  
  
Spike didn't miss the reassuring tone in the older man's voice, and he cast him an annoyed glare. Jet cut the connection.   
  
Gritting his teeth in frustration, Spike sat back in the chair in front of the consol. //What the hell is going on? What was Faye thinking? Why would she go off like that on her own? Why did Jet let her go off on her own? Why hasn't she called? Why hasn't she at least let us know that she's all right? Why am I asking all these questions?\\ Spike ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. //I'm thinking about her as though she's a child. She can take care of her damned self.\\  
  
"Ed's hungry." The girl appeared as if from nowhere at Spike's shoulder, and she started to lean on him. Ein sat at his feet.  
  
"So what," Spike muttered, rolling his eyes when Ed hugged his arm. "What is with you? Don't you have someplace to be?"  
  
"Ed wants something to eat," she said against his shoulder.  
  
"So then eat something!"  
  
"Ed wants Spike-Person to make her macaroni."  
  
"Make your own damn macaroni," Spike replied, shrugging his arm in annoyance. //Why doesn't she call?//  
  
"Can't! Ed promised Jet-Person that she wouldn't make anything when he left!"  
  
//Is her phone broken? Are her legs broken? She can't make it to a pay phone, or even her Red Tail? What the hell?\\  
  
"Macaroni!"  
  
//What if she is hurt? What if she never made it to the place where she was supposed to meet Jet? What if Jet doesn't find her on time? What if I'm losing my fucking mind?\\  
  
"Macaroni!"  
  
//She's fine. I refuse to think that anything bad happened to her. She's just hiding from that bounty-hunting fucker. When I get my hands on him, I'm going to break his face. I'm going to hunt him down and break every bone in his body for making me worry over THAT woman. I'm going to -\\  
  
"Spike-Person is supposed to pretend that he doesn't like Ed," Ed said, her voice muffled against Spike's side. Her words confused him out of his daze, and to his chagrin, he found that Ed was no longer hugging his arm; Spike was hugging Ed to his side. He immediately removed his arm from around her, hoping that Ed would move away, but she didn't.  
  
"Go make your macaroni," he said quietly, and turning his head slightly, he saw a pack of cigarettes that Jet left behind. He reached over for one, feeling Ed lean with him. When he straightened back up in the chair, Ed straightened up with him. "Go make your macaroni, Ed," he said again, getting up from the chair.   
  
"Ed already told you that she's not allowed to."  
  
"Since when do you listen to what anybody tells you?" Spike snapped. He took a long drag from his cigarette. Exhaling, he looked down at Ed through the noxious cloud of smoke. The girl was staring up at him with a wide-eyed, yet blank expression. //What is with her?\\  
  
"Just go and eat something else, will you?"  
  
Ed didn't say anything, but continued to stare up at him. Sighing, Spike left the control room, feeling his own stomach protest in hunger. //Maybe I'll have to make macaroni after all.\\  
  
The galley was empty. There was no macaroni or anything else of substance that Spike could find. //Didn't really feel like eating anyway...\\ He sat himself on a stool, watching Ed discover for herself that there was no macaroni. He then watched her get down on her hands and knees and, with Ein as her accomplice, sniff around the lower cupboard like a dog. The two completely disappeared within the long-empty cupboard.  
  
//Why isn't she with her father?\\ Spike thought suddenly, stubbing his cigarette out in the countertop ashtray. He immediately felt guilty for never thanking her for finding him. He didn't know why the eccentric girl decided to stay with them again. //We don't exactly treat her that great...\\   
  
Ed resurfaced holding a large, rectangular box.   
  
"Pocky!" she shrieked, waiving the box of giant chocolate Pocky sticks Spike had hidden there long before he left. He almost protested, but Ed disappeared again within the cupboards.   
  
//You could be nicer to her, you know.\\ Spike told himself. //It's not like she has a reliable family. Her moron father can't even keep track of her. She needs someone she can look up to, someone who will look after her. Someone who will feed her more than stale giant Pockys for lunch...\\  
  
"No Ein! We have to save some for Spike-Person!"  
  
Spike hung his head in defeat, rubbing his temples. //Your number has come up, Spike Spiegel,\\ he thought, though he didn't feel as miserable as he expected. //First, it's that damn woman, then you pet that damn dog, and now you have sympathy for that damn kid. You are losing your fucking mind.\\  
  
Ed somersaulted out of the cupboards; stopped in front of Spike and held up three giant Pocky sticks.   
  
"Lunch time!"  
  
Spike shook his head at the girl, waiving his hand at the offering.   
  
"No thanks, save them for later."  
  
"But lunch time is NOW."  
  
"You're not eating Pocky for lunch," Spike replied, shrugging nonchalantly. He stood up, making his way back to his room. Ed and Ein followed him, and Spike made no move to stop them. //At least being nice to Ed takes my mind off of Faye...Why doesn't she call?\\  
  
"Where are you going?" Ed demanded, jumping onto Spike's bed while he looked for socks.   
  
"Out," he said, pointing to Ed's feet. "Put some socks on."  
  
"Ed doesn't like socks, and I promised Faye-Faye not to let you out of my sight."  
  
Spike shrugged again, grabbing his blue pants and yellow shirt.   
  
"That's why you're coming with me. Now go put some socks on."  
  
Ed vaulted off the bed in glee and cart wheeled towards Spike's door.   
  
"Can Ein come too?" Ed shouted just before she exited his room, Ein barking after her. Spike rolled his eyes.   
  
"Whatever! Just put your damn socks on!"  
  
When Ed and Ein left, Spike changed into his more socially acceptable outfit and pulled on his shoes. He then pulled out his money cards and checked the balance. He sighed heavily. "You are a poor, pathetic man, my friend." He shrugged yet again, and putting his cards in his pocket, he grabbed his phone before he left the room. //Just in case...\\  
  
Ed was waiting for him outside his room. She had put on both socks and shoes, and had Ein on a leash. She flashed Spike her wild, toothy grin and followed after him. She pulled off her shoes and socks when she thought Spike wasn't looking.   
  
"Where are we going?" Ed reached up and grabbed Spike's arm. She didn't let go. The tone in her voice made Spike think that she really didn't care where they were going. The fact that they were actually 'going' was good enough for her. Spike almost smiled.  
  
"Nowhere special," he replied, "I'm going to buy us some macaroni."  
  
**  
  
Jet arrived a day and a half later, tired, hungry, and downhearted. He didn't know how else he could put it. Faye was gone. She disappeared. She completely evaded Jet and any other individual who was looking for survivors after the shoot out. Or someone else had done it for her...  
  
He found no sign of the other bounty hunter either. Had he pursued her elsewhere?  
  
Sure enough, upon returning to the spot where Faye had left the Red Tail, the vehicle was gone. Jet could only hope that it was Faye who left in it, not someone who suffered from severe anti-social personality disorder.  
  
He tried to call Faye several times, but never got an answer. He let it ring for what seemed forever, until he finally cancelled, a frustration building inside of him.   
  
Call Spike? He couldn't do it. He didn't want to see the look on the younger man's face when he told Spike that Faye was gone, and he didn't know if she was still alive.   
  
Spike had changed. Drastically. It made Jet a little more than uncomfortable to see the emotion that Spike unknowingly allowed to grace his features. Especially around Faye, or even at the mention of her name. It was as if he couldn't decide whether or not he should hate Faye, or love her.   
  
Jet knew that Spike definitely didn't hate the woman, far from it. But could he stop tormenting himself over Julia long enough to get some peace and comfort from a woman who is willing, even if she didn't know it yet herself, to give him more than Julia ever could? Jet didn't know, though both he and Faye knew that while Spike's heart might tell him one thing, his pride and his guilt screamed at him another.   
  
Jet sighed, making his way across the hanger. He wasn't going to tell anybody anything until he had a nap and something to eat.   
  
**  
  
What Jet saw when he entered the living room totally turned his notion of Bebop normalcy upside down. He had planned to make a b-line to his room, not stopping for anybody...but he had to stop and stare at this.   
  
They lay on the living room floor, facing each other stretched out on their stomachs, and propped up by their elbows. A cigarette hung from Spike's lips as he held his cards in front of him, eying Ed suspiciously. Ed held a giant Pocky between her teeth, examining her cards carefully. Ein was curled up in the small of Spike's back, sleeping. Jet saw the phone close by Spike's side. Neither of them saw Jet watching.   
  
"Go fish!" Ed finally cried, and with a miserable look, Spike hung his head.   
  
"I'm beginning to think you don't know how to play this game..."  
  
"Go fish!"  
  
"You don't just say that every time I ask you for a card. Such a little cheater!"  
  
"Go fish!"  
  
Narrowing his eyes and glaring at the girl, Spike snatched up a card from off the floor, and looking at it, he gritted his teeth.   
  
"Next game, we are playing Crazy Eights," he muttered, adding the card to his hand.   
  
Jet was speechless. He didn't know how to respond to seeing Spike, who could normally stand neither Ed nor Ein, actually spending 'quality time' with his crewmates. He suddenly felt the need to laugh.   
  
Ein lifted his head then, sleepy eyes taking a moment to analyze Jet. He then barked a greeting, alerting Spike and Ed to Jet's presence. Jet silently cursed the mutt for making him face Spike before he was good and ready.   
  
"Jet-Person's back!" Ed sang, throwing her cards into the air. Ein leapt off of Spike's back to chase them.   
  
And Spike's face, looking up at Jet, cigarette still between his lips, was read like an open book. Relief first, upon seeing the older man, but the absence of Faye caused disappointment, worry, anger, and worst of all, grief, to wash over his face, one after the other, until only a stony expression was left. But Jet did not miss the unasked question that practically raged from Spike's eyes.   
  
Jet shook his head. He made to leave for his room.   
  
"So what are you telling me?" Spike said quietly, causing Jet to stop, but not turn around.   
  
"I don't know," Jet replied. "She's gone. Her Red Tail's gone. I can only assume that she's alive and still running."  
  
"Did you call her?"  
  
"Several times," Jet said with a sigh, scratching the top of his head. "Did you?"  
  
Spike didn't answer, and Jet continued to his room.   
  
"Damn that woman," he muttered when he reached his room, closing the door behind him.   
  
**  
  
Spike sat alone on the edge of the Bebop deck, turning the phone over in his hands. It was a warm night, and Spike loosened his tie before retrieving a cigarette. It had been three days since Jet returned, and Faye still hadn't called. Jet tried to reach her several times a day, but Faye never answered. Spike was beginning to think she would never come back.  
  
"Busy woman," he muttered, placing the phone beside him as he tried to light his cigarette.   
  
He and Jet had let Ed sleep in Faye's bed while she was away. There was no sense in letting the girl curl up on the cold floor when there was a vacant bed available. They just had to wait for Ed to fall asleep somewhere before one of them carried her to Faye's bed. Spike had tucked Ed in that night, or rather, plunked her on the mattress and tossed a blanket over her. He then scooped Ein up and tossed him on the bed as well. //Serves that woman right,\\ he thought bitterly, //if she comes back to find her stuff covered in dog hair. Divine retribution, as Jet says.\\  
  
The sound of a familiar engine could be heard at some distance, and as if to confirm his hope, Spike received an incoming call. He picked up the phone again, and let it beep several times before he activated it.   
  
Faye's angry face stared back at him.   
  
"I'm coming in. Can you open the hanger?"  
  
"It's open," he replied simply, staring at her face. She looked unhurt. Angry, but unhurt. Faye cut the connection, and Spike felt a wave of relief wash over him as he stood, looking up to see her Red Tail approaching.   
  
He had to force himself to walk to the hanger after she had maneuvered her vehicle inside. He closed the hanger door after him, watching Faye open the latch to the Red Tail and climb out. She seemed so angry, and she totally ignored Spike as she stomped towards the door leading into the Bebop. Spike had to call after her to make her stop.   
  
"Hey!" He shouted, quickening his pace to catch up. "Faye!"  
  
"What?" she snapped, not bothering to hide the irritation in her voice. When she turned around, Spike could see the slightly faded remains of what had been an angry bruise on her neck.   
  
"What happened to you?" he asked quietly, stepping towards her.  
  
"Nothing," she replied, stomping off again. Spike felt anger flare up inside of him, and he moved after her. //What is her problem?\\  
  
"Hey!" he shouted again, "Where the hell have you been?"  
  
"None of your business," she shot back, but Spike caught up to her and yanked on her arm, forcing her to turn around. "Let go!"  
  
"No! It is my business. Do you have any idea what you put Jet through? Why weren't you where you told him you'd be?"  
  
Faye's face darkened. //Put Jet through?\\ she thought bitterly. //After all that hell, and I only have Jet to answer for? Thanks for your concern, Spike. You asshole!\\  
  
"I was trying to save my life!" Faye snarled at him, tearing her arm from his grasp. "That psychopath was so pissed off at me for 'encroaching on his bounty', that he fucking chased me halfway across the solar system just so he could strangle me to death. Excuse me for not making it back in time for tea!"  
  
"You could have called!" Spike stopped, shook his head and gave a bitter laugh. "No, you could have fucking ANSWERED our calls! Why would you be so inconsiderate?"  
  
"What the hell are you trying?" Faye glared at him, voice dangerously low. "For someone who comes and goes as he pleases, regardless of how it makes other people feel, you sure are one to talk about consideration!"   
  
Spike moved forward again, but Faye shoved him back violently with both hands.   
  
"Where was my phone call?" she shouted at him. "Where were my fucking phone calls all those times I sat waiting for you to return? Don't give me that look!" she spat when Spike rolled his eyes. "Because now you know how it feels."  
  
"What is wrong with you? Are you trying to tell me that you didn't call for the express reason of paying me back?" Spike shook his head in disbelief. "That's really great, Faye. Top notch. I give you full marks for immaturity -"  
  
She struck him hard, allowing the palm of her hand to make full contact with his face. It shocked him out of his line of thought, and he found that he couldn't look at her anymore.   
  
"Fuck you," she breathed, stepping away from him. "I never said I didn't want to call you. I never said I didn't want to answer your calls, or that I was paying you back. You have no idea..." Her voice trailed off, and without warning, she spun around and left Spike standing by himself in the hanger, hand on his stinging face.  
  
He made no move to follow her. What would he do? What would he say to her? He already regretted his words. He didn't want to start a shouting match; he didn't want to make her angry with him. What had happened to her to make her so angry in the first place? What had that bounty hunter done to her to make her turn on him like that?  
  
He really didn't have any idea.   
  
**  
  
He had to choose.  
  
Again, like so many nights before, Spike found himself a bystander. He looked on as Faye and Julia faced each other, ready to strike the other down.   
  
But this night was different. Spike couldn't wake himself up. He couldn't pull himself away as both woman turned to face him, haunted eyes piercing him as they kept their weapons leveled at one another.   
  
As he watched their mouths open in unison, he felt his own mouth turn to ash. //Wake up...\\  
  
"Choose."  
  
It came out as a single voice, though they said it at the same time. Their faces were emotionless, but the voice was anguished, echoing in his mind like a persistent scream. He tried to swallow, but couldn't, a hitch in his throat making it difficult to breathe. All he could do was stare from one woman to the other.  
  
Faye's eyes rested directly, intently, on his. Behind the haunted curtain of her gaze was a fierce, determined look.   
  
Spike couldn't understand why Julia's gaze, while at first resting directly on him, seemed to pass through and focus on something beyond. Her face took on a distant, saddened look that pained him. He couldn't help but reach out to her, try to get her to look AT him...  
  
"Julia."  
  
He stepped back in shock as Julia's eyes suddenly flashed into focus. Without turning to look at Faye, Julia moved her arm in a single, violent sweep.   
  
And everything slowed.  
  
Spike could hear the ring of the blade as the sword cut through the air. //Was that my choice?\\ He could hear Faye cry out as the sword passed through her. He could hear his gun hit the ground, her hand no longer able to hold it. //That wasn't my choice!\\ his mind screamed as he tried to rush forward, attempting to catch Faye before she fell.  
  
He could hear her body crumble.   
  
**  
  
His dream had scared him so much that he found himself leaping from his bed and running for the door. He had awoken with a strangled cry, covered in a cold sweat. For a moment, he could barely discern between the reality of his bedroom, and the horror of his dream. He wasn't even sure if he hadn't just imagined Faye's return that evening, or if it had been part of his dream. Before he could reason with himself, he was heading for her room. He had to be sure.   
  
He nearly knocked her down. The moment his door opened, he made to rush forward, unable to see the pajama clad woman standing in his way. Faye made a startled noise and Spike grabbed hold of her to steady himself. He just stared down at her, as if he still couldn't decide whether she was real or imagined.   
  
The look in his eyes frightened her, and she tried stepped back.   
  
"Are you awake?"  
  
As if her words were the deciding factor, Spike let go of her and rubbed his eyes in relief, trying to steady his breathing. He didn't reply.   
  
They stared at each other for some time, and Spike was almost afraid to say anything lest she was still angry with him. He noted that she didn't look angry. In fact, he could tell that she had been crying, but he wasn't about to take his analysis to heart. His eyes were still heavy with fatigue.   
  
Without thinking, he reached out and touched the bruise on her neck. Faye started to shy away, but stopped when Spike raised his hand to cup her face. She refused to look at him then, and Spike saw that she almost looked ashamed. When she started to cry, he pulled her against him.   
  
He continued to not think as he pulled away from her slightly, raising her chin with one hand and wiping her tears gently with his thumb.   
  
"I couldn't sleep," Faye whispered. "Not until I -" she practically choked on the next words, her pride, as always, interfering with her apology. Spike didn't let her finish. Without thinking of the consequences of his actions, he kissed her. Faye held herself rigidly against him for a moment, unable to respond. She had not expected him to act like this. She had not expected him to forgive her so easily for her cruel behaviour. She wondered again if he was actually awake.   
  
Dejected, Spike pulled away. Braving a glance at Faye, he saw her surprised look and interpreted that he had crossed the line. He released her completely, running a hand through his hair in embarrassment.   
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, "wasn't thinking." He turned away from her, expecting her to stomp back to her room. He walked to his own bed, and with a disheartened sigh, climbed back in.   
  
It took him several moments before he realized that his door was still open. He didn't feel like getting up to close it. He didn't think it would matter anyway. He wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so the light flooding in wouldn't bother him. He pulled his sheets up around his shoulders and stared at the wall.   
  
When his door did close, he looked over in surprise to see Faye walking hesitantly towards his bed. She wrung her hands and bit her lip, unable to meet his eyes. Spike stared at her patiently, though he felt his heart quicken its pace again. He felt panic well up inside of him, suddenly not sure if everything was all right. If everything he was thinking and feeling was right.   
  
"I had the worst dream," he muttered, not at all sure of why he was telling her.   
  
"So did I," she whispered in reply, reaching one hand up to brush hair from her eyes. She looked down at her feet.   
  
"You died." He hadn't wanted to tell her that, but he couldn't stop himself. He watched as her eyes widened and she finally met his gaze.   
  
"I know." She took a step closer to his bed and sat on the edge. Spike sat up himself, pushing the sheets back. "You kill me every night," she said with a slight, humourless laugh, turning her back to him.   
  
"Faye..." he started, reaching out to touch her back. She made no move to avoid him, and when she felt his hand on her, she turned and gave him a slight smile. It wasn't happy.   
  
"I don't want to be alone," she said, and she let Spike pull her towards him, so that she was leaning against him. "Maybe, if I'm here, the dreams will stop. I won't have to think, I won't have to pretend that I'm really not alone."  
  
He didn't know what to say. He had no words of comfort to offer her. Instead, he just lay back, pulling her gently with him. He had no idea what he was doing, what he was going to do.  
  
He held her close while she slept, never finding rest himself. He was no longer sure if it was simple guilt that held him back. Panic seemed to be fighting for a place inside of him. He could no longer imagine life without Faye, and it scared him. Unlike Julia, she had been stable, she had been there for him, and when she disappeared, he felt empty. //What would you do if anything happened to her?\\  
  
For the first time, he realized that he was afraid of loving Faye.   
  
**  
  
And that's the end of that chapter. Whew. As always, I'm sorry for any errors I missed. Will update by the end of next week. 


	7. Courage: Live, Love, and for God's Sake,...

NB: Same old, same old.  
  
Crack-monkey! This is taking me longer than I thought. Must remind myself that I have no life and therefore have no excuse for NOT finishing this by the end of this week.mmmm.cracker.  
  
Special thanks to my reviewers. This whole story is for you guys.  
  
Don't worry folks.We are encroaching on the moment of truth.as this is the second last chapter.  
  
**  
  
Courage: Live, Love, and for God's Sake, Let Die!  
  
**  
  
Faye let consciousness come to her slowly. It was rare for her not to wake up with a start lately, and she enjoyed the leisurely pace.  
  
She knew immediately that she wasn't in her own room. She was very warm, though it didn't exceed comfort. Pressing her face into the pillow, she could smell the faint scents of fabric softener, cigarettes, and.  
  
//Spike.\\  
  
His one arm was still over her, and she could feel the heat from his steady breathing on the top of her head. Pressing her back against him, she closed her eyes again.  
  
She didn't want to think about the previous night. She didn't want to think of how angry she had been, how she had taken it out on him. She cleared her mind of the images of her striking him, of how he looked when he had nearly knocked her down outside of his room. She didn't want to think about how he had kissed her.how she had wanted him to kiss her so badly, and when he did, she didn't respond. She didn't think about what had possessed her to follow him into his room, to tell him about how he shot her in her dreams. She didn't want to tell him how lonely she was.  
  
She thought of nothing.  
  
It didn't matter anymore.  
  
**  
  
Seven o'clock. Spike's eyes opened as if on a timer. He blinked several times; unable to determine when exactly he had fallen asleep.  
  
For a moment, he had forgotten that he wasn't alone. He almost didn't feel the warmth and softness of her hair under his chin. But breathing deeply, he could not miss the scent of her, the faintest sweetness that caused him to tighten his arm around her.  
  
If thought hadn't harassed him, Spike could have fallen asleep again as a contented man.  
  
He forced his eyes open, and raising himself up, he shifted away from Faye's body. Trying not to awaken her, he moved to the edge of his bed and stood up. Spike spent several moments looking down at her. Faye's face betrayed no unease, and Spike thought she looked perfectly peaceful, almost happy. Her legs were curled up close to her chest and she hugged the sheets close to her chest.  
  
//She really is.beautiful,\\ he thought, though he wasn't sure if he was entirely pleased. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes. //I can't do this, Faye.\\ He didn't have the courage to say it out loud, even though she was asleep. //I can't love you. I'm not ready for this. I --\\  
  
Gritting his teeth in frustration he turned and left the room. Passing Faye's room, he saw the door was open, and Ed was still sleeping on the older woman's bed. Faye must have planned on sleeping on the couch, which for some reason, made Spike feel odd. He had adjusted his own behaviour towards Ed, wanting to be a better role model for the young girl, but seeing Faye also treat Ed exceptionally well made Spike feel.  
  
//What?\\ He demanded of himself. //So Faye doesn't pick the kid up and toss her on the couch. That makes you feel good?\\  
  
Spike paused in the middle of the narrow corridor, scratching his head and scowling. To an onlooker, it might have appeared as though he was holding a discussion with himself. //Yeah, I guess it does.\\ He hung his head and continued walking. //It makes it that much easier to.\\  
  
He quickened his pace, practically storming into the laundry room and yanking his shirt and pants from the makeshift line. //You're an idiot.\\ he fumed at himself. //A fucking two-timing bastard idiot!\\  
  
"Two-timing!?" he exclaimed out loud, stretching his arms out in exasperation as he made to leave the laundry room. "Where the hell did that come from?"  
  
He stormed back down the corridor until he reached the vacant bathroom, and entering, he slammed the door behind him. //She died five months ago. Only five, and you've been awake for ONE of those months.\\ He narrowed his eyes at his reflection in the mirror. //.Fraternizing with the enemy!\\  
  
"Whose enemy?" Spike demanded of his reflection, before pulling his tank top over his head. His eye momentarily caught the un-bandaged wound on his abdomen, running his hand over the bright pink, still very tender flesh. "It isn't like that. I'll never feel about Faye the same way I felt about Julia."  
  
//Felt?\\  
  
"Feel!"  
  
//Such an unfaithful bastard.\\  
  
"I am not having this conversation!" Spike snapped at his reflection. "I am not in love with her!"  
  
//In love with who?\\  
  
Spike jabbed his finger at the mirror angrily.  
  
"HER!" he roared, unable to say a name. "I haven't done anything wrong. It's not like I don't feel guilty, it's not like -"  
  
//Unfaithful.\\  
  
"Obnoxious!"  
  
//Unfaithful.\\  
  
"I am not!" he hissed, slamming the palms of his hands against the wall on either side of the mirror.  
  
//Are too.\\  
  
"Am NOT!"  
  
//Are too!\\  
  
"And Julia wasn't?" Spike yelled, blood rising in his face. But at the sound of his words, he sighed, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand.  
  
The sound of the door being pounded on made Spike straighten up and look towards the door with raised eyebrows.  
  
"Hey!" Jet's voice came from behind the door. "What the hell is going on in there?"  
  
A sheepish look crept onto Spike's face as he remembered that, even though it was only seven o'clock, Jet was always up early. He knew he was probably infringing on the older man's shower time.  
  
"Nothing!" Spike called nonchalantly, glaring at his reflection.  
  
"Good," Jet called back, "Because I have a bounty on Mars for you today, and it's not going to work out well if you go all certifiable on me. Now hurry up! He might be on the move."  
  
Spike felt his face burn. He hadn't realized he was being so loud.But that was beside the point. //A bounty on Mars?\\ Spike sighed miserably. //Of all the places I could return to.\\  
  
"Whatever!" he replied to Jet, and pointing an accusing finger at his reflection, he lowered his voice. "We'll finish this later."  
  
**  
  
When he returned to his room from his shower, Faye was awake. She was sitting on the edge of his bed, head in hands and staring at the wall. She turned and smiled at him slightly when she heard him enter.  
  
"Yo," he greeted her quietly, moving across the room to pick up his shoes from where he had kicked them off the night before. Faye made no move to get up, and Spike sat beside her on the bed after he found clean socks, and he pulled both his socks, then his shoes on.  
  
"You're up early," Faye murmured, reaching over to his nightstand and picking up the tie he hand left there.  
  
"You too," he replied, accepting his tie when Faye offered it to him. "Jet says he has a bounty for me. I've been a lazy ass."  
  
Faye smirked and Spike cocked an annoyed eyebrow at her.  
  
"You've probably lost your touch," Faye said as she began to stretch. "You'll need someone to keep you out of trouble."  
  
Spike didn't reply right away, turning away from Faye and staring at the wall as she had been doing earlier.  
  
"Nah," he finally said, running a hand through his hair. "It's a small- fry." He felt her eyes on him. "On Mars."  
  
"Oh."  
  
The word left her lips as though it were a sigh, and Faye soon found herself looking at the wall again as well.  
  
"What happened?" Spike broke the silence, though he kept his eyes focused in front of him. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Faye bring a hand up to her throat. She almost immediately put it back down in her lap.  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked, though she knew perfectly well. She could hear Spike sigh in slight annoyance, and he turned to her. She didn't face him.  
  
"You know what I mean. What happened?"  
  
"I already told you."  
  
Spike shrugged, as if the previous telling of her misfortune hardly mattered.  
  
"Tell me again."  
  
She let him watch her for several moments before she spoke. She never looked at him, and when she began to speak, she felt his gaze shift back to the wall.  
  
"I was just looking around," she started with a sigh. "Jet told me that Rowan has his security changed at noon and midnight."  
  
"Long shifts," Spike muttered, but Faye ignored him.  
  
"I waited until night. I was going to try and get past at the night switch. I guess that.other bounty hunter was planning the same thing. We literally bumped into each other. I couldn't even hear him coming."  
  
Faye paused, bringing her hand to her mouth and chewing on her nails. Spike elbowed her to continue. She scowled at him.  
  
"He asked me 'what the hell' I was doing there, and I just asked him the same thing. He looked really mad, telling me that he was there for the 25 million. I laughed at him," Faye sighed, propping her chin on her hand miserably, "which I probably shouldn't have done. I told him tough shit, because I was there for the bounty. He said that he'd give me two percent if I just pissed off." She brought her hand to her neck again, and this time it stayed there.  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"I told him to fuck off."  
  
"And?"  
  
"He shot me."  
  
"He SHOT you?" Spike's head snapped over to look at her in disbelief, but an undeniable look of concern crossed his features. Faye rolled her eyes.  
  
"Well, he shot AT me. I'm pretty sure he meant to kill me, but the bullet just grazed my arm."  
  
"Lousy shot." Spike eyes were still intent of Faye, and she thought she could hear the relief, no matter how little, in his voice.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Faye didn't continue; she reached over to Spike's nightstand again and grabbed his cigarettes and lighter. Spike didn't object as she took a cigarette and passed the package to him. He waited for her to take a drag before he asked her to continue. While she spoke, he lit his own cigarette.  
  
"I had a few seconds to take cover while he stood there wondering how he had missed me. After that, it's pretty self-explanatory. We had a little shoot out, which alerted the guys I was trying to sneak around. When he stopped shooting, I figured he was reloading, or even better, was out of bullets." She took another drag. "I was out of bullets, and I didn't really think before I took off. It wasn't long before I could hear him running after me. At first, I thought maybe he was just trying to get away too, but I risked looking behind me, and I hate to admit it, but I was scared. I think he was rabid or something.  
  
"It didn't take me long to lose him the first time, and that's when I called Jet. But I guess he could hear me talking, because he practically jumped on me out of no where."  
  
"So you didn't risk calling on your phone again." Spike concluded, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"I didn't risk having it ring either. I turned it off."  
  
Spike nodded, but didn't say anything else. He waited for her to continue.  
  
"It took me longer to lose him this time, but when I did, I waited there for what seemed a whole day. When I thought it was safe, I took off in the Red Tail, and there he was again. It was just one big game of hide and seek, and each time he found me, the closer he got to doing me in." She laughed then, and the sound brought Spike to the present, and he realized he was clenching his fists.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing," Faye replied, the humour leaving her face as she exhaled smoke from her nose. "I was just thinking how fucking stupid it was chase after me when he could have been trying to get the 25 million woolongs. Guess I'm just such a charmer."  
  
"Don't kid yourself -" Spike started with a carefree shrug, but Faye elbowed him before he could finish. Instead:  
  
"How'd you finally lose him?"  
  
It was Faye's turn to give a shrug, and she dropped her cigarette into an old Coke can on Spike's nightstand. Before she could start speaking, Ed bound into the room, crouching down and leaping onto Spike's bed like a frog.  
  
"Awake!" she sang, standing behind Spike and Faye and grabbing each of their heads in the crook of her arms. "Ed likes Faye-Faye's bed!"  
  
"Then why are you up so early," Faye muttered, trying to pull away from Ed.  
  
"Ein was hungry so Ed went to get some food." The girl paused and took on a thoughtful pose. "Ed saw Jet-Person, and told me to tell Spike-Person to get his ass in gear before the bounty disappears!" She shrieked the last word, releasing both Spike and Faye and vaulted of the bed.  
  
Spike sighed, getting up from his bed. He momentarily forgot about the conversation they were having before Ed interrupted.  
  
"Impatience comes with age." He shrugged at Faye, "I'm sure you know that already."  
  
He ducked when Faye threw a pillow at him.  
  
"Touchy woman."  
  
**  
  
"You sure you're up to this?" Jet asked, watching Spike get into his Swordfish. He didn't miss the fact that the younger man had no gun. He had left the Bebop with his Jericho, but the gun never returned with him. But that didn't bother him. Jet knew Spike could look after himself in that respect.but he couldn't help but wonder if he shouldn't have just passed up this bounty-head. Or at least have taken it himself. //Maybe I should have just given him more time before making him come back here.\\  
  
"Well, I dunno about you," Spike said with a shrug, turning to face Jet, "but I'm hungry, and I'm getting low on smokes. Two million woolongs just might improve my situation."  
  
He was about to turn around when he saw Faye enter the hanger. Taking this as his cue to leave, Jet shrugged and walked out.  
  
Faye walked forward slowly, and it seemed to Spike as if she was hesitating. Deciding that he had a few more minutes to spare, he hopped down from the Swordfish to meet Faye.  
  
He stopped short and nearly laughed when he saw she was holding her Glock.  
  
"Are you going to try and shoot me again?"  
  
Anger flashed in Faye's eyes and her cheeks flushed. She clutched the Glock at her side, but she relaxed when Spike stepped very close to her. Reaching out, he brushed a strand of hair from her face. //I could leave,\\ he thought. //I could leave this all behind.be free of Mars, Julia, the guilt.Faye.\\  
  
His hand dropped from her face at the thought, but Faye caught hold of it. Eyes never leaving his face, she pressed the Glock into his hand.  
  
"Until you get yours back," she whispered. "Be careful."  
  
Spike smirked. "Thanks," he said, tucking the Glock where he usually put his Jericho. It didn't feel quite right, but Spike was.touched.by Faye's consideration. //I could leave and never have to feel guilty again. I'll never have to feel bad when Faye makes me feel good.\\  
  
Unable to think of anything else to say, Spike turned towards his Swordfish, but Faye reached out and took his hand again. He wasn't sure why he was so shocked by her touch. He was so afraid of the implications that he nearly jerked his hand away. But he had to turn and face her. Despite the tortured, unreasonable voice in his head, he wanted to turn and face her.  
  
She was crying, which made Spike feel very uncomfortable, if not a little confused.  
  
"Jesus, Faye," he muttered. "It's not like I'm not coming back."  
  
Even as the words left his mouth, he felt incredibly guilty, and incredibly stupid. //It would be so easy.just to forget and be free.\\  
  
"I want it back," Faye said, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "You can't expect a girl to walk around without her gun, so you had better bring it back."  
  
Spike felt a hitch in his throat, and despite his intentions, he was squeezing Faye's hand.  
  
"Good thing it's not your only gun," he said, trying to keep his voice light.  
  
"Spike." She lowered her head, and Spike wasn't sure if she was still crying, or just not looking at him. He didn't know what else to do, so he pulled her against him.  
  
"I'll come back," he didn't know if he was telling the truth or lying, "I promise."  
  
**  
  
It seemed to be over before he could blink. It was so effortless that Spike wondered if it had even happened. He didn't even have to resort to Faye's Glock, though it was a solid, stable, and comforting presence against him. His support.  
  
The man was sitting at the bar, not bothering to be inconspicuous. Spike hadn't realized Manuel Macy was so old from the picture on Jet's monitor. His gray head was bent over his pint, and it looked as though he was nodding off to sleep. Spike almost felt kindly towards him.  
  
//Fifty years is a long time to spend trafficking drugs and running from cops,\\ Spike thought, moving towards the bar and taking a seat beside Macy. //He probably looks good, considering.\\  
  
When the bartender inquired, Spike motioned to the old man's drink, and soon Spike had his own pint of.//What is this?\\ He shrugged, taking a swig and grimacing as the bitter, nearly black beer assaulted his mouth. //Nasty.gotta stick to the hard stuff.\\  
  
Before Spike could turn, the Macy was already speaking, eyes staring down into the beer before him.  
  
"Can you let me finish this first? Might be my last."  
  
Spike was slightly surprised, wondering if he had been that obvious.  
  
"How'd you know?" He asked Macy, and the old man chuckled, turning his tired, rheumy-eyed gaze to Spike. He nodded at the pint Spike had just ordered.  
  
"Young lads like yourself don't usually pick spots right next to fogies like me and order McCullough's Ore. Those who do are asking for trouble." Macy started to chuckle again, but stopped when he was wracked with a deep coughing fit. Spike thought it sounded as if the old man's lungs had come loose and were rattling around in his chest.  
  
"Do you smoke, lad?" Macy asked when he had capped his coughing. He pulled out a small pack of Marlboros, and taking a cigarette, proceeded to light it.  
  
"No," Spike lied; glad he had smoked his last cigarette before he entered the bar.  
  
"Good. Life's too short without trying to poison ourselves."  
  
"Is that what you told all your customers," Spike asked with raised eyebrows, hoping the old man hadn't picked that moment to have a revelation.  
  
Macy shrugged.  
  
"Even if I did, you think anyone would listen?" He took a drag on his cigarette. "Doesn't matter now I guess. Hopefully I'll never have to look at another drug again. I don't even want to look at Aspirin."  
  
They sat in silence for several moments, staring into their pints, before Spike turned to him again.  
  
"So what are you going to do?"  
  
Macy snorted.  
  
"What do you mean? I'm going to make you some money." He stubbed his cigarette out, and turned to face Spike.  
  
"I'm getting too old for this. I'm eighty-three years old. Who ever heard of an eighty-three year old drug lord." He laughed again.  
  
//Do I really want to hear this?\\  
  
"Before, I did it because I needed the money. I was born poor, and I grew up poor. I married a poor girl, and we had poor children."  
  
//Fascinating.\\  
  
"I thought that if I could just make some easy money, I could get educated. Get a real job. Life is one cruel son of a bitch, lad. If you try to improve it, it will get you back ten fold."  
  
//Makes sense.\\ Spike's interest peaked slightly.  
  
"Never got that education. What I did get was trouble with local authorities, which forced me to run. If I wanted to keep running, I had to traffic more drugs. You see? It's an endless cycle of screwing up and running away."  
  
//That's all we do, is screw up and run away. And for what?\\  
  
"I'm tired of running. You don't gain a damn thing from running."  
  
"Not even freedom." Spike muttered, his mouth tasting like ash.  
  
"Aye. You run because you want to keep your freedom. But it doesn't take long to realize that the moment you took flight you created your own little prison. Especially if you leave your loved ones behind. It's a never ending question of, 'where are they, are they still alive, have they moved on?' It's not something you can ever forget. It'll haunt you until the day you die."  
  
Macy stopped, staring down into his beer lost in thought.  
  
Spike felt the sudden need to curl up in a corner and die. He had just learned a life lesson that struck home, from his bounty head, no less. It was only too true, and it made Spike angry. He had run away once; for his freedom and for the woman he had loved. And he had never achieved either of those things. Everyday, caught up in thoughts of her, wondering where she was, if she was still alive, if she had moved on.//Of course she had. Not easily, but I'm sure she didn't have too many problems chumming with Vicious.otherwise; she would have come with me. Not that Vicious would let her.\\  
  
Torture, if what he had experienced could be summed into one word. Torture. For nothing. He ran away to no relief, for a woman who would neither accompany him, nor wait for him, //and I'll be damned if I let that happen again.I'll --\\  
  
"Well, I'm ready when you are, lad."  
  
Back to the present, Spike realized he had been gripping his beer mug so hard that his knuckles were white.  
  
"That's it?" Spike muttered, "You really are just going to give yourself up that easily?"  
  
Macy shrugged again, his face seeming to sag in exhaustion.  
  
"If it would make you feel better, I could attempt to beat you with my walker, but I don't have one, and all I want is a nice long nap. I hear the place I'm going isn't all that bad. Three squares and a real bed. What more could I ask for at this age?"  
  
Spike smirked, pushing back from the bar and standing up. He was a little skeptical, half expecting the bent old man to try something funny when Spike's back was turned.  
  
"If you say so." he pulled out a pair of handcuff's he snatched from Jet, and loosely cuffed the old man to himself. "Just in case." Spike explained nonchalantly. //Now we can both get some rest.\\  
  
**  
  
It was a week before Spike could muster the courage to go back to the Bebop. He called, always making excuses for not coming back, but in the end, he found that he wanted nothing more than to return.  
  
But first.  
  
The Our Lady of Sorrows graveyard was so enormous that Spike found himself back at the cathedral, looking through the directory. The actual church building was empty, save for the scattered mourners who were also resorting to the large directory at the back of the church. Spike waited his turn before stepping up to the small computer. Taking a deep breath, he typed his inquiry.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Unfazed, he typed the surname 'Doe', and was greeted by an uncomfortably long list. Looking behind him, Spike nodded and smiled at the people in queue. //She's got to be here somewhere."  
  
And she was, under the name Julia Doe. Spike checked the date of death to make sure, and then activated the listing. He was shown the exact plot where she was buried, and a small map came whirring from a hidden printer.  
  
//Good system,\\ Spike thought, picking up the map and making to leave.  
  
**  
  
The sun beat down hard on his back as he crouched before her stone. He had a single Azalea blossom that he had picked at the entrance to the graveyard. He tucked it into the little holder that was fastened to the stone for such a purpose.  
  
"Isn't much," he muttered, "wasn't planning on coming here, but I guess it's the thought that counts."  
  
He reached out and traced the engraving of her name with his finger.  
  
"That's all I ever had of you." He brushed his other hand through his hair as he sighed. "All I ever had were thoughts. Even when I held you, it would be thoughts of when I would be able to hold you again. When I would be free to hold you forever."  
  
Spike stopped long enough to tilt his head back at the sky, squinting against the light.  
  
"I can't do this anymore, Julia. It's time for me to wake up." He stood up, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I'm not going to spend my life wondering what could have happened, or regretting what happened. And I'm not going to run away from this life now just because I still don't have answers from my previous life. I'm not going to deny myself all the good things I have just because I could never have them before.with you. I can't live that kind of life anymore. It's all in the past now, and the dream is over."  
  
Spike found himself drawing a shaky breath, and he hung his head waiting for the sting in his eyes and the hitch in his throat to subside. After several minutes, he looked at her stone one last time.  
  
"I loved you Julia. I'll probably always love you, but not here."  
  
He was surprised at how easily he could turn from her, how easily he could walk away. But he knew it was because he wasn't leaving her, not totally. She would always be there as he moved on, as he continued to live. And for the first time, he had the felt the ease of knowing that, no matter how he moved on in life, she would understand. //I'm not going to run away again. Ever.\\  
  
Walking from the graveyard, he looked up at the sky, smiling. He wasn't happy, but he felt redeemed. It was one of the better feelings he had in a long time.  
  
//Never seen a bluer sky.\\  
  
**  
  
Ok, that's the end of that chapter. SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!  
  
Next chapter will be the final chapter, and I bet you can't guess what'll happen there.sheesh. News Flash: Spike joins the circus as the bearded lady.  
  
Anyway, I'll try to get it up as soon as possible, but no promises. 


End file.
